


Othello

by Curlies



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Amon is a sweetheart, Because I love drama, Because who doesn't love Mpreg, But don't worry baby is gonna be Amon's, Drama, Gore, Is that spoiler?, M/M, Mpreg, Poor poor baby Kaneki, Semi-Au (?), También hay versión en español si hablas español, Translation, Violence, Yamori raped Kaneki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-26
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 07:59:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4214172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curlies/pseuds/Curlies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the middle of a mission to anihilate the Aogiri Tree group, the ghoul Investigator, Amon, finds a young ghoul in a state so deplorable, he decides to save his life out of pity. He would have never thought he would fall in love with this kid who can kill him anytime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Freedom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Quick note for spanish speakers:  
> Si hablas español, puedes encontrar la versión en español en mi página web: http://curliesfiction.jimdo.com La versión en español es, obviamente, actualizada más pronto que la de inglés.)
> 
> Okay so, this is my first Tokyo Ghoul fanfic, I thought "THIS TWO NEED MOAR LOOOOOVE!!! ...And a baby" And that's basically how this fic was made.
> 
> This is like a Semi-AU, where Akira was already Amon's partner in the Aogiri raid, and where Anteiku didn't come on time to save Kaneki, and where Kaneki didn't actually kill Yamori, but still ended up fucked up... in all the ways (??????)
> 
> If you don't mind that, or if you do but still want to read because you know there's not so many fanfics of these two babies, ENJOY!

Kaneki was staring at a certain spot in the wall. He didn’t want to look anywhere else, didn’t want to stop staring at it. His brain forced his eyes to keep looking that way, to distract himself.

_Six hundred twenty-two…_

His face against the cold floor felt numb. That could only mean one thing, it was night-time already. Touching the floor was the only way he could tell. It had been days since he was locked down inside that ridiculously big room.

_Six hundred fifteen…_

How many days has it been since? He had no clue. He’d been tied up to that chair for so long he couldn’t possibly tell.

_Six hundred eight…_

Had he tried to escape? Of course. Lots of times. He had struggle the chains in his wrists and ankles so much they started bleeding. And then his skin recovered on top of the metal.

_Six hundred one…_

Without noticing, he had started using Yamori’s method of counting from seven on seven backwards. Not only when he tortured him, pulling out his fingers and toes one by one, repeatedly, but also on moments like these, when physic torture wasn’t enough and the ghoul got excited and began to touch all his body.

His big hands grabbed his hips, pushing him against his. Kaneki could feel the pain inside, the member ripping him apart, and the warm blood running through his legs. It hurt so much, but he eventually stopped screaming and asking for help. He knew no one was coming, so he stopped struggling. Yamori’s violation felt less painful when he did so and focused on something else. A spot in the wall, for example.

-You love it, don’t you, Kaneki?- Yamori laughed, pulling up his hair. Even so, Kaneki’s eyes kept staring at the same spot.

_Five hundred ninety-four…_

-Ahh, it’s so tight. Your ass is the best one I’ve ever fucked, you know?

Kaneki tried not to listen to anything that man said, but from time to time, some words would slip. The boy said nothing and focused on the numbers.

_Five hundred eighty-seven…_

-Tch. It’s so boring when you don’t react- the man on top grumbled. With his hand still on his hair, he pushed Kaneki’s face against the floor fiercely, finally making him react with a painful groan. This turned Yamori on, who continued pushing him against the ground again and again. –Does it hurt? Do you like it? You’re a masochist, right Kaneki?

Yamori was the typical bully, those Kaneki knew very well and had to deal with his whole life. If you showed even a little bit of pain, they would hurt you more. He knew that if he kept emotionless, Yamori would eventually become bored.

…And what would happen then?

His face hit the floor again. The blood forcing him to shut his eyes.

-Come on, say something!- he shouted. His purpose now wasn’t just to break his body, but his mind as well. He wanted to see the same Kaneki of the first day in that room. The one who sobbed, screamed and begged. This one was no fun anymore.

Yamori thrust into him harder than before.

-Ahhh!- Kaneki bit his bottom lip, to keep him from making more sounds.

In what number did he leave it?

Ah, right.

_Five hundred eighty…_

.

For the fourth time that day, he had vomited the very few things he still had in his stomach, in that metal bucket that was used to keep his cut fingers.

-This is so boring…- Yamori whispered in front of him –It’s no fun to come all the way here just to watch you puke. Is it that painful? Look, you’re getting dirty.

Kaneki kept his eyes shut, gaspingly trying to recover some air. But failing once again. He hadn’t eaten since a lot time ago, so he supposed that everything inside that bucket were merely gastric juices.

-Hey? Didn’t you hear? Stop puking right now, Kaneki. I don’t like it.

Even if he ordered so, it wasn’t something Kaneki could just stop doing by will. It was involuntary.

-Each time you take longer to regenerate. It’s getting so boring. I’ll have to start doing something else…- Yamori had an idea, and cracked his neck while grinning. That grin which gave the chills to the younger one –I have a great idea, Kaneki. If you puke again, I’ll rip out one of your eyes, how about that?

That turned Kaneki’s stomach.

-Come on, Kaneki, you can handle it, right? You can control it, right?- Yamori’s smile grew wider and wider seeing how it was so impossible for Kaneki to resist. –Or maybe you don’t really want to resist it, you love pain, after all. You really are a whore.

-I’m… I’m not…- Kaneki frowned, looking at him with all the hatred burning inside him. That only made everything funnier for Yamori.

-Poor, poor Kaneki. He’s been here for almost a month, still waiting for someone to come rescue him- the ghoul whispered to his ear –No one is coming to save you. So I recommend that you don’t bore me, since we’re going to spend a long, long time here, together.

Before Kaneki could answer anything, the blond one hit him right in the stomach, making him vomit once again.

Yamori took a metallic instrument from the desk, and laughed.

-We had a deal, didn’t we? Ka.ne.ki

-W-wait… n-no…- the boy tried to push away from him, in vain. He could see that plier like tool getting closer to his face. He struggled, but the older one held his head still and used his fingers to force his right eye open.

-Kaneki, what’s a thousand minus seven?

Everything became dark.

- **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!**

.

-Is this Aogiri’s hide out?- Amon admired the big, old structures from afar. He had already studied the blueprints of the buildings, just like everybody else, before that mission. He knew that behind those he could see, there were still another line of buildings –It’s really big.

-They really outnumber us, huh?- a soldier said at his right.

-We are still not sure about the number of member Aogiri has, but that doesn’t matter, we must make sure none of them gets out alive- Amon’s partner declared.

-Right. When we are able to enter. They’ve got snipers.

In that moment, the roar of a motorcycle turning on got everyone’s attention.

-Excuse me, can you move aside?!- Juuzou shouted, riding Marude’s brand new bike.

-What the hell is he doing…?

.

-The Doves have invaded this place, Kaneki- Yamori spoke to him. He put on his mask, becoming _Jason_.

The young boy was trembling in his place, breathing hard. Everything was so dark.

-It’s my duty to exterminate them. I won’t take long. I promise you that, when I get back, we’ll keep on playing- he grinned. Ah, he wanted to devour him so much, but he was patient with his food. He loved to shape it to his tastes, break it, marinate it for days and days until it was perfect. Kaneki wasn’t perfect yet. He wasn’t shaped to his tastes yet, nor broken enough. And that was the fun part.

Kaneki heard Yamori closing the steel door where he was held captive, locking it from the outside. Only then, when he found himself alone, did he let himself cry and sob, letting out everything that had been tearing him apart from the inside out. He could literally feel that big hole inside his heart, choking him. The hatred he felt towards Yamori was enormous, but he was so weak. He was so hungry, so beaten, he could never defeat him, he wasn’t even capable of breaking his chains. The sorrow of feeling abandoned by those he thought of as _his friends_ was almost unbearable. If it had been any of them in his place, he wouldn’t have thought twice before jumping on their rescue, even if that costed his life. The stress, the fear, the pain. When did his hair had turned completely white because of all those feelings burning inside him painfully slow?

.

- _Jason_ , rank S. A Kakuja ghoul from the 13th District- Akira recognized his corpse on the ground. –There’s a big record of this ghoul. He was captured and used for experiments of the CCG. His sanity was completely broken, a sadistic and mad ghoul. When he got the chance to scape, he didn’t do so until he had tortured and killed the Investigator who was in charge of experimenting with him. Even after he ran away, in the corpses of both humans and ghouls he devoured, there were signs of torture.

-Was he so important? Maybe we get promoted- Juuzou laughed, kicking the big, dead body.

-Juuzou, quit playing with him- Shinohara scolded him, turning off his Arata armor, which ended up with a couple holes. If it wasn’t for it, he would’ve been already dead.

 -Let’s go forward, to wipe out the fifth building- Amon said, with his quinque in hand.

.

He struggled once again, maybe if he could release his kagune, this would be able to cut down his chains. He used all strength left in his body, he didn’t cease struggling in that chair, not even when his wrists and ankles started bleeding again. The struggling made him vomit once more. He wasn’t able to see anything anymore, but he was sure that he had vomited blood because of the ripping pain in his throat.

More tears made it’s way from his eyes to the ground, before he gave up and fell to the cold, dirty floor, along with the chair.

It didn’t matter anymore. It didn’t matter living anymore. He had no place to return anyways. His mom had abandoned him, his aunt had rejected him, Hide wasn’t even an option anymore. He wasn’t even able to return to Anteiku after they had abandoned him to his luck.

In those moments, lying on the ground, completely naked, covered in blood and bruises, with all the meanings of the words _humiliation_ and _abuse_ written on his skin, he only wished for freedom. Even if the only way to achieve it was dying.

.

Strangely enough for the Investigators, they didn’t met with any other ghoul inside the fifth building.

-It’s too quiet. Do not let your guard down- Shinohara ordered, not letting a single corner unnoticed. He was aware that ghouls could hide in the rubbles, the ceiling, or even to come from underground to attack them. They walked with a low pace, inspecting every single room.

- _Shinohara, Marude here, do you copy?_ \- the sudden call from Marude made them all jump in surprise. Shinohara let out a heavy sigh before answering.

-I copy you, Marude-san.

- _Go back to the meeting point. Aogiri has withdrawn. They ran out from the nest just like the rats they are. All buildings must be clean now._

Only when listening to those words did all the Investigators felt the weight on his shoulder and the tension go away. Amon let out a sigh that felt like choking him in the throat since the beginning of the mission, and his pulse drop to normal speed again. Akira put her quinque down, and Juuzou growl like a child whose favorite toy had been taken away because it was dinner time.

-You heard it, guys, let’s head back- Shinohara smiled, going back on their steps, Amon and Akira following behind. After a few steps, Shinohara noticed that Juuzou wasn’t following them. He looked behind and found him blankly staring at a steel door. –Juuzou? Is something wrong?

Amon and Akira stared at him as well. The young boy leaned his hand to the handle of the door, but it didn’t open.

-There’s someone inside- the younger one pointed out. The tension on the Investigators bodies grew high again. They all held their weapons.

-Is it a ghoul?- Shinohara asked.

-Not sure, but he is breathing really fast.

-Akira-san, Shinohara-san, watch my back, I’m going to knock it down- Amon said before kicking the door down. Once the room was open, the other three Investigators went in, with their quinques on hand, ready to face whatever was inside. But they found themselves alone in a big room, full of stinky odors that forced them to cover their noses.

No, the room wasn’t empty. There was someone tied up to the chair in the middle of the room, lying on the ground. He was so small compared to other ghouls that they could hardly notice it.

-That’s a ghoul- Shinohara concluded, looking at the metallic bucket’s content all over the ground, and the great amount of blood that dyed the monochromatic floor –A human wouldn’t survive this.

-This looks like _Jason_ ’s torture room…

Amon was the first one who dared get near him, without letting his guard nor quinque down. _A weakened ghoul was a hungry ghoul_ , after all. He was only able to get a quick glimpse of the bucket’s content before feeling light headed. Once he was near the boy, he noticed he was completely naked and covered in blood, the chains tying him up to the chair from him wrists and ankles were already fused with the healed skin. His fingers and toes were missing. It was a heavy sight that made him swallow saliva, feeling sick. The boy had white hair and his face was staring at the ground. He didn’t even make the attempt to move.

Amon put his weapon down and called for the other to get closer. One same question in everyone’s head, was he alive?

-Heeey! Are you alive?- Juuzou shouted, getting closer to the ghoul, he didn’t seem disturbed at all from the smell or sight. –You were breathing just now, isn’t that right?- Juuzou pulled up his hair without much effort.

-Suzu…!- Before Amon could scold him from being careless, he saw the ghouls face and the shock dried out his throat and almost make him vomit. Akira had to look away feeling dizzy and her heart went so fast it could pop out of her chest.

-It has no eyes!- Juuzou shouted, contemplating that macabre and deformed, by the bruises and blood, face.

-Juuzou! Stay away from it! It’s a ghoul, and it´s still alive!- Shinohara ordered him. Even for him, with all his years serving as an Investigator, the image was shocking.

-But look, it’s so weak it can barely hold himself! If I move his head this way or that way, it feels like a rag doll!- Juuzou laughed, moving the ghoul’s head in various directions without effort. He suddenly let go of the hair and the ghoul’s face fell against the ground without any resistance. –It’s as if it was dead, but it’s still breathing.

-That doesn’t mean it’s not dangerous. Let’s kill it here, now- the senior Investigator ordered, holding his quinque up. Amon did so as well.

-I wonder what he did- Juuzou suddenly said, taking the Investigators off guard –I mean, it must have done something really bad for Aogiri to go this far with it, right? Maybe it talked about something secret or had the intentions of leaving. Just what did he do?

Shinohara and Amon looked at each other, with the same idea on the head. They both let their quinques down at the same time. Maybe it was better to keep it alive and get some information from it. It was Shinohara the one who cut the chair where the boy was being held, leaving him still chained, for convenience.

-Bring him, Amon- he ordered and Amon nodded. He took off his coat which had remained spotless white until then, and he covered the boy’s body with it. His hands shook when he carried him. He was still a ghoul, he was still dangerous, but he felt so weak, cold and light, Amon couldn’t help but feel like he had to protect him.

-Marude-san- Shinohara called him –You’re not gonna believe this… have an ambulance ready, will you?

Amon felt the boy’s body moving in his arms. He was shaking.

The Investigator held him tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eww I don't know how many times I said the word "vomit" in this chapter. I hope you didn't mind... Maybe I should have put this note at the beginning to warn you... hmm... no, it's more fun this way. Tee hee (????)
> 
> Okay so, my first language is not english, it's spanish, so if you found any mistake in this chapter, please make sure to tell me so I can improve. Thank you!
> 
> See you in the next chapter!


	2. Slowly dying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for the kudos and comments! As promised, here's the second chapter!  
> I'll try to upload the next one tomorrow ;)

Amon wasn’t exactly sure of how many hours he’s been there watching the young boy from the high security glass, similar to the ones they used in COCHLEA for interviewing ghouls.

-How is he?- his partner showed up and stood at his right, also staring at the boy they had rescued from the fifth building yesterday.

-He hasn’t spoken yet. I wanted to bring a doctor to examine him, but I couldn’t.

-He’s a ghoul after all. He doesn’t need a doctor, he needs food so he can heal himself.

-We’re already on that. But they haven’t given us the authorization to feed him.

Akira got silent for a moment. She was supposed to be an Investigator, just like him. They were supposed to hate ghouls, they had to kill them all, that’s what they were taught. Her own father would often make fun of the ghouls who pretended to have feelings as if they were humans, and he would refer to them as _animals without a living purpose_. Even so, watching that poor kid, so beaten up, so weak, she couldn’t help but feel pity. So she said the words Amon couldn’t.

-Poor boy- she whispered, and her superior looked at her, surprised –He must have been through a living hell, and we can’t do anything to help him.

Amon grit his teeth and started walking to certain office, leaving his partner behind with a wide smile.

.

-Shinohara-san- Amon called, once he has found him –I would like to know how the authorization to feed the boy is going.

-Ah, you mean the _ghoul_? Listen, Amon, it’s not that simple. Keep in mind that the CCG was created to eradicate them, you can’t expect them to save their life just like that.

-But it’s a ghoul who may have vital information for our fight against Aogiri!

-That’s the same thing I told them, but, you know, even if we were to feed it, no one can assure us it is going to give us information, or that it won’t attack us.

-How much longer do you think it will take? That boy’s been there for two days! And he doesn’t look any better!

-Trust me, Amon, I feel the same way as you do. I also looked at it when we got it out that room. What they did to it was horrible, even for a ghoul. I want to help it too…- Shinohara seemed a bit down for a second –Maybe we would be making it a favor by killing it.

-Shinohara-san!

-Amon, for heaven’s sake! I want to help too, but just look at it! It’s so weak it can hardly breath, it’s a miracle that it’s still alive! Show some mercy and just kill it. End with it’s suffering.

The young Investigator frowned.

-I can’t let that happen…- he grumbled and turned his back at him, without minding that his superior kept calling him.

.

Amon didn’t even care about breaking the rules “do not go inside without a companion”, he knew it was for everyone’s sake, but he also knew better than anyone else that that kid wasn’t dangerous for anyone.

He went in and walked to him. To the bed he’s been laying on for the past two days. He hasn’t moved an inch.

He sat down on the chair next to the bed and got a bit closer to the ghoul. The upper half of the boy’s face was covered by a bandage, since not everybody had a steel stomach to look at him for long.

-Are you awake?- the Investigator asked, looking at him with pity. There was no answer, which frightened Amon, so he decided to check his pulse. He took the ghoul’s arm but felt dizzy when looking at the amputee fingers, so he shut his eyes and gently pressed against the boy’s wrist, under the chains. It was incredible that the poor boy could barely stay alive but they would still chain him to the bed. Amon sighed heavily and concentrated on feeling the blood pressure. Yes, his heart was still beating, but at a very slowly dangerous pace.

-Listen- Amon let go of the boy’s hand carefully to where it was and spoke –My name is Amon Kotarou, I’m a Level 1 Ghoul Investigator, you’r at the CCG now. We’re going to take care of you. There’s some laws that protect you, okay? No one can hurt you, no matter what. You don’t have to go back to that place, you’ll be safe here. But you have to promise not hurt anyone. Right now I’m making everything I can to get you food, so be patient.

Amon wasn’t waiting for an answer, didn’t expect one either, so it really amazed him when the boy’s hand (or what was left of it) touched his. Amon smiled slightly, glad to see that the boy was okay and that he had been listening.

But his smile faded when he noticed the boy was crying.

-Tha…- he hardly whispered. It was painful enough just watching him making such an effort. He didn’t doubt that the boy was in real pain. His voice trembled, it was hoarse, dull, but even so, he finished his sentence -…Thank you…

Amon’s heart stopped for a second when he heard that.

-I… I’ll be back later- he said, moving away from him and leaving the room. His heart beat was too fast it hurt, just like when he would spend hour training non stop, he could even feel himself gasping for air. He wasn’t exactly sure why, he let out a couple tears as well.

.

It has been five days already since the ghoul have been laying in that bed without moving. Amon and Akira were the only ones who would use some of their break time to go visit him. Amon would just sit in the same chair, but Akira would sit next to the ghoul, in the bed, and gently caress his hair. Sometimes, Amon would see the boy smiling weakly, and once he could swear he heard him whispering _“mom”_.

-Looks like you are taking a liking to that ghoul. He seems to like you too- Amon smiled, once they were out of the room.

-He’s not getting any better, Amon- Akira’s response took the taller off guard, he looked at her, while she held herself –His breathing and pulse are getting weaker everyday. I’m just trying to make his transition less painful for him…

-“Transition”?

-I mean his death, Amon- she explained, with those same cold eyes.

The Investigator didn’t answer, he didn’t want to talk about that anymore, not with her. He let out a heavy sight and kept on walking. The blonde stopped him, grabbing his suit’s sleeve.

-I know this might not be the best example, but, you know? When I was eight, my father and I found a kitty who had been beaten up by a dog. We decided to take it home with us and take care of it. I wouldn’t sleep all night long just to make sure it was okay. My dad then suggested to take it to the vet and put it to sleep. But, of course, I was stubborn and I was sure that the cat would get better! But it didn’t, Amon! That cat ended up suffering a painful death because of me, when it was my decision to put it to sleep and end with his suffering. I felt guilty for years. I don’t want that to happen to you, Amon…- before he could notice, Akira was already hugging him from behind, burying her face in the other’s back.

-He… could have information about Aogiri…

-Are you really doing this for information, Amon? Then why does it seem like you do this for yourself? If he were to die, would you really feel nothing?

Amon grit his teeth.

-I know I would feel worse if I didn’t do everything I could to save him.

Akira said nothing more and let go of him when he started walking away. She smiled in the inside. That man was too compassionate for his own good. That’s why she had to stay close to him, to make sure he wouldn’t regret any of his decisions and that he wouldn’t suffer that much because of them.

.

The Ghoul Investigator’s life was a routine. Wake up, go running, have breakfast somewhere in the way, go to work, get back home, make some exercise, take a shower, have dinner, sleep. That was a common day in the life of Amon. Everyday. When you’re used to a routine, it’s very hard for your brain to comprehend that you’re doing something different than usual, and suddenly, your whole routine falls down for one simple action. Just like his, when, instead of going home after work, he suddenly found himself inside the ghoul’s room again.

He didn’t really mind breaking the routine for once. He had been thinking about that ghoul all day long, for days, so he decided to stay a little bit more with him, even if it was just from afar.

He let himself fall on the chair heavily and put his briefcase with his quinque on the ground, next to him. He stared at the ceiling for a couple minutes, keeping quiet, immersed in his thoughts and then he sat correctly, looking at the boy in front of him.

His skin was so pale, he wondered if it was usually like that or if it was because of the blood loss. His white hairs covered almost all of his face, were they dyed or was it natural? He reached out for the boy’s face and moved some hairs aside, taking a look at the bandage that covered his upper half of the face. He wondered his eye’s color. Dark would suit him well, he thought.

He sighed again.

-Must be tough, huh?- was the only thing he could mutter, even he wasn’t sure why he’d said that.

He could have swear the boy smiled, just a little.

-Listen, I’m gonna be sincere, getting you food is much harder than I thought it would. I’m not sure how long it’s gonna take, I don’t even know if they will ever approve it. It’s as if the higher-ups are just waiting for you to die.

Amon frowned, feeling guilty. He was responsible for that ghoul, and now he couldn’t even save his life.

-This doesn’t mean I’m giving up, of course. I already told you this, that I am going to save you, it doesn’t matter how hard it is, so just wait a bit more…

He could feel a lump in his throat. He felt so impotent in front of him, the one he swore to save and protect. He felt so weak, like when he was in that orphanage.

-I…- his hands clenched into fists. He was going to say something, when he suddenly felt the ghouls hand against his legs. That poor boy used almost all of the strength he had left just to support him, to give him courage. He couldn’t believe it. Amon bit his lower lip. –Damn it…- he grunted. He stood up and carefully placed the ghoul’s hand back in the bed. –If they won’t feed you, they I will.

Amon squished his arm and cut himself with his nail, deep enough for the cut to start bleeding.

Before it would start dripping, he put it close to the ghoul’s mouth.

-This is all I can give you for now…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you tomorrow! (probably?)


	3. To Save a Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost thought I wouldn't make it on time, hehe.  
> Anyways, here's the third chapter, what will happen with Amon-crazy-brows-chan!? Keep reading to find out! Enjoy!

When he arrived to his office at the CCG the day after, he wasn’t exactly surprised to find a note addressed to him on his desk, asking him to show up at one of the meeting rooms.

-What did you do?- his blonde partner showed up, waving a card similar to his in her hand. She opened it up and read out loud – _“About Inspector Amon Kotarou’s case”_ it says in here.

-I saved a life, that’s what I did.

Akira froze for some instants, processing his words.

-D-don’t tell me that you… Just what did you do with the ghoul!?

-What I had to do- the Inspector tried to stand up, but when he made the attempt to push himself up with his arms, he felt the sharping pain traveling all the way from his hand to his shoulder. Akira noticed this reaction and quickly grabbed his arm and lifted up his sleeve.

-You gotta be kidding me- she muttered when she saw the blood-stained bandage –Your own blood, Amon, really!? Did you feed a ghoul with your own blood!? And inside the CCG’s walls! Are you aware that they can accuse you for treason and send you to jail?!

-And what was I supposed to do when that boy was dying like that?

-Let him die, of course! You’re an Investigator! We kill ghouls, we don’t save them!

Before Amon could defend himself, Shinohara irrupted in the office, with Juuzou behind his back. His face was plain serious, something unusual in him.

-The meeting is about to start, Amon- he said.

.

When Shinohara opened the meeting room’s door, Amon was able to hear a lot of voices all speaking about the same thing, him. But once he went in, everything turned silent, with a heavy atmosphere following.

Everyone’s eyes were on him, since the moment he crossed through that door to when he sat down in his assigned seat, besides his partner. Akira was nervous, he could tell by the way she played with her hair. She would roll them between her fingers over and over again.

-Alright, since Investigator Amon made us the honor to show up, why don’t we begin?- Marude spoke with sarcasm, referring to Amon’s delay, just a couple minutes which seemed of high importance to the meeting.

-Let’s begin with security’s report- it was Houji the one who spoke next. He cleared his throat and began reading a paper in his hand – _“Yesterday, at the 1,913 hours, the security cameras recorded Investigator Amon Kotarou entering the high security cell where the unknown ghoul from the fifth building is being contained. The said Investigator spoke to the ghoul for about 3 minutes and the he stood up, held his arm and made a cut on it with, what we suspect, might be a knife or a razor which he kept hidden. After making the cut, he the proceeded to feed the ghoul with his blood, as it can be seen in the tape that was sent along with this report.”_ This is the end of the report- he finished and everyone stared anxiously at Amon.

-Something to declare, Inspector Amon?- Marude asked, crossing his arms and making the same disgusting face as always.

Amon stood up, and spoke.

-I do not bring any kind of weapon with me, aside from my quinque. The cut was made with my nail- he declared and sat back down.

The room went silent for endless minutes. Finally, Marude spoke up.

-Investigator Amon, is that a confession? Are you admitting guilt?

-With all the respect you deserve, sir, I don’t see why my acts from yesterday should be punished.

Marude frowned even more.

-So you don’t understand how serious it is to feed a ghoul?

-Sir, the ghoul was rescued from the fifth building, he seemed to have been tortured by Aogiri. We suppose Aogiri was trying to get some information from him, or that maybe he tried to escape. Whatever the reason is, that ghoul could have very important information, but because of his outside and inside injuries, he hasn’t been able to communicate with us.

-I read the report, Investigator Amon! Maybe it was just the torture toy of that ghoul from the 13th District, Jason! Maybe that ghoul doesn’t know anything! Maybe it is with Aogiri and planned this so we would bring it to the CCG! It’s face is not within the CCG’s expedients, we don’t know his kagune type, where he comes from or even his rating! You could have fed a damn SSS who’s just pretending to be hurt! Do you really do not understand the serious of your actions, Investigator Amon Kotarou!?

Amon gulped. Certainly, those were the things he was supposed to think, he was supposed to suspect the ghoul, but instead of that, from the very moment he saw him laying in that cold and dirty ground in the fifth building, he felt nothing but the need to protect him at all costs.

-He is… not like that…- was all he could mutter.

- _He_? Are you defending _it_ , Investigator Amon Kotarou?

All the staff started murmuring then. Amon wasn’t able to listen to some of their gossiping, but a few things slipped to his ears. They were talking about Amon’s past and how he had been raised by a ghoul, and how maybe that was the reason he actually liked ghouls after all.

-I asked you something, Am--!

-Enough- all the whispers ceased completely, even Marude’s, when Special Class Investigator Arima Kishou spoke, raising a hand in the air to gain everyone’s attention. As if his own presence wasn’t enough.

-Arima?

-What’s the reason why this ghoul hasn’t been fed since his arrival six days ago?- he asked while adjusting his glasses.

Marude answered completely serious.

-We are not gonna approve a request to feed a ghoul. There’s no way. We can’t give it to eat another ghoul, cannibalism makes them stronger. And we are not gonna take any of our brave soldiers out of the morgue.

-Just go to the District’s morgue and ask for an unidentified body.

-Special Investigator Arima, I shall remind you that the CCG was created to protect people from the ghouls! We are not gonna take responsibility into feeding one!

-You said it yourself, Investigator Marude, the CCG was created to protect the people, and right now our most fearsome enemy is Aogiri. This ghoul doesn’t appear in any of the records, so we can suppose he’s a low rate ghoul that means no harm. Therefore, if we can gain some information from him, it would be perfect.

This left Marude wordless, and put to think to everyone in the room. The final choice was taken by, obviously, Commander Washuu, who stood up and dictated:

-The ghoul will be fed today and, from that moment on, Investigator Amon Kotarou will take full responsibility over his behavior, care and alimentation, and also to report us of any kind of information the ghoul may know. That’s it.

.

Right when he was finally out of the meeting room, a smile of relief covered his face. Between all the people, he quickly recognized Arima and went to meet him.

-Investigator Arima- he called his name and the older Investigator stared at him –I just wanted to thank you for defending me back then.

-I don’t see why you should thank me- he answered, stoic as always.

-Well, I was being accused of something really serious, that’s why…

-Certainly, to feed the ghoul with your own blood was something really dumb, you’ll be his target now. You better not let your guard down near him- in that moment, Investigator Hirako showed next to him and handed him over some papers. Arima decided to leave, saying goodbye with a weak hand movement. He was a really busy man, after all.

Amon bowed his head while the other one disappeared in the corner. He sighed.

-I find really remarkable that affection you have towards the human-eater monster- he would recognize Akira’s voice everywhere. He looked at her, while she crossed her arms in front of her chest –Thanks to you, we now have more weight on our shoulders. If that ghoul turns out to be dangerous or know nothing about Aogiri, I’m really gonna punch you in the face, Amon- she threatened him.

-Investigator Amon!- Suzuya appeared out of the blue and hanged to his arm. Not even a second passed when Shinohara was already running towards them, scolding the younger one and telling him to behave, which Suzuya completely ignored –Are you gonna feed the ghoul now!? Can I see!? Are you planning on give him the full corpse or by pieces? May I be the one to cut him into pieces!?

-Come on, Juuzou, stop bothering Amon!

-It’s alright, Shinohara-san, now that he mentions it, it might actually be a good idea to have Suzuya’s help…

.

Truth be told, Amon didn’t even think once on how he was going to feed the ghoul. That’s why Suzuya’s enthusiasm for participating felt like sent from heaven… Though, what they were watching wasn’t exactly something heaven-like.

Suzuya laughed, focused on the corpse he had in front of him. Shinohara, Akira and Amon chose to stay outside the room. It’s not like they’ve never seen blood before, but inside the air was freezing cold and the smell from the corpse was almost unbearable. But maybe the worst part was to see Suzuya so excited while ripping the corpse’s insides and then have some guts shown in front of them, as if it was some kind of trophy.

Akira covered her mouth.

-I’m feeling sick…- she muttered, pale.

-Akira, if you don’t want to be here, you can go back to the office, you don’t have to look at this.

-Do you really think I’m not able to bear with it?

-…Akira, your skin’s yellow…

-Shinohara-san, Amon-san!- Suzuya opened the door with his white coat and gloves (he was forced to wear them for salubrity reasons) completely blood stained. He waved some shapeless thing in the air, dripping blood –I found the brain! Wanna take a look!? It’s so swollen up!

Akira ran to the restrooms.

-W-we’re fine, Juuzou, thanks…- Shinohara said, making the boy go back into the room.

Both male Investigators watched as two ladies ran out of the restrooms disconcerted.

-Sorry, Akira…- they both apologized in their minds.

.

When they got inside the room, Akira stood close to the door, a few feet away from them, just in case. Suzuya was carrying a black plastic bag where he kept the ghoul’s food.

-Remember not to give it that much, there’s some ghouls who need less food to regenerate than others. We’ll give it a little bit today and see how it goes in the next 24 hours- Shinohara said, which Amon agreed with, but his young subordinate frowned, bored.

Suzuya had volunteered to feed the ghoul, which no one really had an objection with, but before they started, Amon got closer to the boy in the bed and spoke to him with such a sweet tone it disconcerted the other Investigators.

-I made it- he whispered to the ghoul while petting his head, something he’d copied from his partner –Your food is here, but sorry, it’s not gonna be much. Depending on how you evolve, we’ll see if it’s necessary to give you some more. We are just supposed to feed you enough to help you recover, not to make you strong enough to break out. Make an effort and try to eat it, okay?

After saying that, he made Suzuya a signal to begin. He took an unrecognizable piece of bloody meat from the bag and put it inside the ghoul’s mouth. It was small enough for him to swallow it all, no need to chew.

It was easy for him to eat.

.

-I think that’s enough for today- Shinohara ordered and Suzuya understood, taking the bag and walking away from the bed, obediently.

Amon noticed the ghoul’s breathing was gradually increasing, turning to normal. He supposed his heart rate was stabilized as well.

-Juuzou, take the rest back to the freezing, we don’t want it to rot here.

-Roooooger- he sang.

-Akira, could you make sure he doesn’t do anything unnecessary?- Shinohara asked then to the female Investigator.

-Sure- she answered, quite nervous for being next to that psycho sadomasochist who enjoyed playing with corpses. But she kept her cool and seriousness, leading the way.

Once they were both gone, Shinohara breathed heavily.

Amon didn’t stop looking at the ghoul. His hair, nose, his lips, every single part of his body.

-It… _He_ looks better. He may be even able to speak by tomorrow.

The other Investigator smiled, pleased.

-But really…- the veteran Investigator said –His fingers and toes were cut off countless of times, his eyes were taken out, and it looks like he was also raped, right? Aogiri is too cruel, why would they do that? He’s so young…- Shinohara got closer to the ghoul and began to inspect the ghoul’s body.

-Do you think his recovery will take long?- Amon asked.

-The muscles and organs are the ones that recover faster. The bones take a little longer. He may be able to speak by tomorrow, and that’s what matter for us. But he won’t be able to grab anything or walk for some time. Is it okay for me to examine him closer?

-Eh? Why are you asking me?

-Well, you’re the one who has full control over him, just like me with Juuzou- Shinohara took that as a yes and began to check him. He took his pulse, which remained continuous. His fingers then touched all of his hand, feeling the broken muscles and bones, they made their way to the boy’s shoulder and then to his chest, pressing so he could feel the ribs, he had many broken. Shinohara frowned. If by outside the ghoul’s state seemed terrible, it was even worse inside. His lungs, on the other hand, felt strong and stabilized already.

Shinohara then began to check the lower half of the ghoul. Amon averted his eyes unconsciously.

-Amon… call Doctor Shiba…- Shinohara ordered him once he had taken a look.

The ghoul’s breathing was, indeed, faster. But because it was really slow before, Shinohara didn’t notice he was breathing abnormally fast.

Amon felt disconcerted because of those words and took a look under the sheets, just like his superior had.

It was Shinohara the one who ran to call the doctor.

Blood. So much blood coming from Kaneki’s insides, staining his legs and white sheets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Arima-papa saves the day once again (?) Okno, I just love Arima, 'k?
> 
> Trivia: This was at first supposed to be an Arima X Kaneki fic... Yeah, just like you heard, I didn't even ship Amoneki before this... Arima was supposed to be the one who would rescue Kaneki from the fifth building... but then I thought "Wait, Arima wouldn't do something like that, I mean, to hold a naked dirty bloody covered-in-vomit ghoul..." So then I started thinking "Who would do it? Oh, Amon would!" So Amon was going to be with Arima when they found the ghoul, but then, when I started thinking of the story, somehow Amon would appear more than Arima! And I started shipping them from my own fic, I'm so sorry, really... Before I noticed I already had a lot of Amoneki pictures in my laptop and Arima had almost disappeared from the fic. But still, I love him, so I wanted him to show up at least as a background character like in all the Tokyo Ghoul series (?)  
> I'M A MULTISHIPPER, OKAY!? EVERYONE X KANEKI, HERE, HAVE A KANEKI, YOU TOO, OH HERE, HAVE FOUR.
> 
> (Still, this fic will cointinue as an Amoneki, so don't worry about it)
> 
> P.D. OMG your kudos and bookmars and comments make me so happy *cries* I'll upload tomorrow again, probably... LOVE YA!


	4. Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I totally failed you yesterday, I apologize for that. But here's chapter 4! Just for you!  
> Hope you enjoy iiiit!

-Where do you keep its food?- was the first thing the doctor asked when he first entered the room where the ghoul was held captive to examine him.

-My partner just left to put it back in the freezer- Amon answered.

-Call her, tell her to bring it back, ALL of it.

Amon didn’t make any question and he immediately took out his cellphone and dialed Akira, asking her to do what was told.

- _Did something happen, Amon?_ \- his partner asked from the other side of the line.

-…- Amon took his time to answer –I-I have no idea…- he confessed, worried.

-Doctor Shiba, what’s wrong with the ghoul?- Shinohara asked, keeping his cool, unlike Amon.

Doctor Shiba put on a thinking pose before answering.

-I don’t know- he declared.

-Huh?

-But I do know is that this ghoul has lost too much blood, more than its body can handle, even ghouls can die because of blood loss, you know? A blood transfusion would be long and experimental, no one has ever done it before, so I don’t know how its body would react. It’s easier to just feed it, let it recover its blood and RC cells so it can heal itself and whatever’s wrong inside. When it gets better, we can make it some exams.

-You think it’s serious?- asked Amon this time, trying to hide his worry, but failing.

-Not really, not for a ghoul, that is. Its whole body is in a horrible state, it was victim of abuses and muscular trauma, it might have an organ that’s been pierced or something.

-Could it have something to do with his gastrointestinal tract? I mean, he had nothing before feeding him- said Shinohara.

-It had, it’s just that you didn’t notice it- the doctor assured, adjusting his glasses and he then showed them the stains in the sheets –These blood stains tell me that the ghoul has been slowly bleeding for at least three days. Probably it didn’t even know it itself, because of its body state it couldn’t feel much. Put yourself in its place, if you’re in so much pain, if your hands hurt, your feet hurt, your head, every single part of yourself, from the inside out, would you even notice that you’re bleeding? Would you even feel it? Maybe it didn’t notice it until it had some food, so it felt that something inside was off and began to feel the pain. Pain is something that tell us, humans, what not to do, in a ghoul’s case, pain tell them they have to eat so they can heal.

Right when Shiba was done speaking, the door was opened by Akira and Suzuya, who went in gasping for air. The freezer was really far away, after all.

-We brought everything we found- Akira said, and Suzuya handled the, now bigger, plastic bag to Dr. Shiba.

-This should be enough- he declared and began to carefully feed the ghoul himself, while Suzuya pouted on the background.

.

A few minutes passed after the ghoul ate everything inside the bag, Shiba sat down in the chair next to the bed, waiting for his reaction. Amon and the other Investigators were also anxious.

-Ah… Hah…- the ghoul moaned, making an effort to speak –Hur… ts…

-Are you conscious?- Doctor Shiba got closer to the boy so he could hear him better.

-It h-hurts… it hurts…- he gasped, pressing his arms against his abdomen. For everyone’s surprise, he looked much better now that he had eaten.

-A **rinkaku** \- Shinohara supposed –Only rinkaku ghoul’s can heal that fast.

-What’s your name? Can you tell us?- Doctor Shiba asked him. The ghoul seemed somehow desperate.

-Inside… me…- he whispered in real pain –There’s… something… it hurts… it’s hurting me… take it out…

-Do you work for Aogiri?- Shiba insisted.

-Doctor Shiba!- Amon shouted at him, almost as desperate as the ghoul for him to do something. The boy extended his mostly recovered hands until he was able to reach the doctor’s face, and he immediately grabbed him by the neck and pushed him down to the floor, easily breaking his chains.

-TAKE IT OUT! TAKE IT OUT! IT’S INSIDE ME! TAKE IT OUT!- the ghoul shouted as loud as he could.

The four Investigators hurried to assist the doctor, but the boy let go of him before they were able to help and was now rolling on the ground, pulling of his clothes and hair.

-Doctor Shiba, are you alright?- Shinohara helped him stand while he cough. Amon, on the other hand, hurried to the ghoul, trying to calm him down. He was his responsibility, after all.

-Calm down! We’ll take it out!- he said, touching his shoulder.

-TAKE IT OUT!! IT’S MOVING, IT’S MOVING INSIDE!!- he shouted, releasing his kagune and beginning to desperately hit the ground.

The alarm sounded then, probably was activated by the security guard watching the scene through the cameras.

-W-what’s moving!?

-IT’S ALIVE!! TAKE IT OUT!! IT’S EATING ME!! IT’S EATING MEEE!!

-What is!?- Amon shouted, taking a hold of him hand. He then noticed the ghoul was shaking and that he was crying. His face bandage was almost gone because of the ghoul pulling his hair. Amon looked at his already full recovered eyes.

The eyes of a ghoul he has never seen before.

One was grayish and the other had the kakugan activated, black with red. It was something so rare and exotic that the Investigator froze, and he couldn’t see and was not able to stop it, when the ghoul pierced himself in the abdomen with his kagune.

He was only able to react when the blood splashed to his face and stained his clothes. Shinohara, Akira and Shiba watched the scene shocked, while Suzuya smiled, amazed.

Surprisingly, the ghoul smiled and his kagune disappeared in the air, before passing out in Amon’s arms.

.

 Now the ghoul was unconscious and laying again on the bed. Doctor Shiba seemed unharmed except for some red marks printed in his throat and the kagune marks in the floor. Because of the alarm, Shinohara was now outside the room, speaking to the supervisors and letting them now that everything was now under control.

The higher-ups would not like this incident, that was for sure.

Even knowing that the ghoul was his responsibility, Amon decided to let Shinohara deal with the supervisors and he just watched Dr. Shiba as he opened the ghoul’s abdomen, right where he had pierced himself. Amon was really curious of what had caused so much pain in the boy.

Shinohara entered the room.

-Amon, I must leave now, I have a mission in the District, let’s go Juuzou.

The light-haired young boy pouted, but Shinohara grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out.

-Come on, if you capture it I’ll let you keep the quinque- he bribed Suzuya, who quit fighting against him and cheered up.

Akira let out a sigh when those two left and went closer to Amon, watching the caesarean closer. Doctor Shiba operated him carefully, as he would do to a human.

-A ghoul who stabbed itself with its kagune. He must have been in real pain to do so- Akira said.

Amon closed his eyes, he couldn’t stop thinking about that ghoul’s face. Especially now, watching his full recovered face sleeping in that bed. He reminded him of that ghoul he had met the night that Madou died. And how he had cried and begged him to run away.

-Eh?- Doctor Shiba exclaimed and got the two Investigator’s attention.

-Doctor Shiba?

-T-this… no… what?- The doctor looked at the ghoul’s face again, even examined other parts of his body and then stared back at the caesarean in front of him –But… this… huh?

-Is something wrong, doctor?- Amon asked him and only then did Shiba remembered he was not alone.

-Ah… well… I’m not sure… I…- Shiba seemed to a have an inner conflict. He took off his glasses and massaged his temples with the rubber gloves still on –Look at this- he said and showed them with the forceps a strange gloppy round thing, covered in blood –This is what was inside the ghoul.

-What is it?- Akira asked, looking at that shapeless thing closer. It had… extensions? Limbs?

-That ghoul said it was _eating_ _him_ , right? Is it some kind of parasite?

-No, well, not exactly… how should I put it?...- just when he had said it, did they were able to recognize that anthropomorphic shape –This thing here, is an embryo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, today I was watching a video about Full Metal Alchemist and remembered something...
> 
> Curlies' no-one-gives-a-shit-about stories #1 "My dad is a closet friki part one":  
> So, this is a story about some years ago, when Full Metal Alchemist was aired on television, and I was still on middle school. The program schedule was at 8 a.m and 8 p.m. (They were the same episode) I wasn't able to watch the morning one because of school, so at nights I would go to my parent's room to watch it. One night, my dad was watching a movie and I asked him if I could watch FMA and changed the channel. When the episode started my dad said "Hey, but you already watched this one" and I was like "What? No I haven't..." My dad went silent for a couple moments before saying "Ah, no, you're right, this is the one I watched this morning"
> 
> Okay, so, back to the chapter, this is as far as I am in the spanish version, I feel sorry for my spanish readers 'cause I've been too into the translation I haven't been able to upload more chapters *apologizes again*
> 
> So, because I don't have any more written, the next upload might take a little more.  
> Thank you again for all your comments and kudos! They totally make my day!!
> 
> See you in the next one!


	5. Human and Ghoul

**Notes:**

Okay, so, I got a lot of messages (both in the spanish and english version) saying that they thought Dr.Shiba was going to take the centipede out. I never really thought about it... I just had to make a drawing #SorryNotSorry

A fun start before all the drama in this chapter.

Anyway, ENJOY!

* * *

 

-A-an embryo? You mean like… a baby?- Amon stuttered his words, not sure what to say. It had to be some kind of joke or misunderstanding.

-It’s still small, must be only four weeks old…

-W-wait a moment, Doctor Shiba, what do you mean by that? Is the ghoul hermaphrodite? We’re pretty sure he had a male body!

-I can’t believe it either, but I’m sure this is an embryo. I followed the ghoul’s self-inflicted injury and found this strange organ, well, strange because it was a male, so I couldn’t tell what was it, but now I’m sure it was a womb.

-Is that normal? Have you ever heard about male ghouls getting pregnant, doctor?- Akira asked, she more calm than her partner.

-Never. I’ve investigated a lot of ghouls in my life, and I must say that this is the very first time I see something like this. But that’s not it, there’s another strange thing I noticed in its body…- he mentioned and then asked the Investigator to come closer to take a better look themselves. Doctor Shiba pointed at a mark on the ghoul’s sides.

-A scar?- the taller Investigator asked. It was a scar, no doubts.

-That’s right, but, how’s that even possible? I wonder. Ghouls are not supposed to have scars, they can fully regenerate, after all. But this is definitely one.

Amon and Akira exchanged glances, with the same serious and thoughtful face as the doctor. Doctor Shiba stood up, grabbed his briefcase and let out a resigned sigh.

-Well, I’m not gonna get any answers just from staring at it- he said –I’m going back to my lab and do some tests with his blood. It will probably take it sometime to wake up, it was a really deep injury. When it does, call me, I’ll like to make it some questions.

When the doctor opened the door, Amon interrupted.

-Doctor Shiba, I’m not sure if this might be of any use in your investigation, but…- he hesitated. Not because he didn’t want to tell him what he saw, but because he himself wasn’t sure of what he has seen –B-before the ghoul stabbed himself, he looked at me, and… well, I might have seen that only one of his eyes had the kakugan.

Akira stared at him, startled to hear those words. Doctor Shiba’s eyes shined.

-One eye…? Don’t tell me he’s…- the blonde muttered.

-Now that he’s unconscious, take him a more secured room- Shiba ordered, watching the four walls surrounding them –If this boy really is the _one-eyed_ , then this place is not gonna restrain it.

.

It’s been a while since his dreams were all monochromatic. It was like watching a very old movie, with no trace of color in it. He found himself staring at the horizon, at nothing particular, really. He was in a black and white flower field. And he was also wearing black and white clothes.

For a moment, he actually wondered if the world was like that. A world where the gray didn’t exist, where there was not a middle point between light and darkness, good and evil. That was a bit extremist, but that was just like the world he had entered. Had becoming a ghoul opened his eyes or blinded him?

No, he had met _white_ people, _black_ people and _gray_ people. Hide was a _white_ as pure as snow. Yamori was a _black_ darker than the night. Touka was a perfect _gray_ , someone between good and evil.

 _“Do you really believe that?”_ Rize’s voice resounded inside his head. That voice he loathed so much, but that actually made him feel like he was not alone, knowing that there was another person inside him _“Do you really believe that Hide is so pure? Do you believe Yamori is so evil? Maybe that’s only the things you chose to see. You can’t think of your best friend as someone evil, and you can’t imagine the man who hurt you so much as someone who might have loved and be loved.”_

-What am I then?- Kaneki muttered to her.

 _“You USED to be_ white. _”_

-You dirtied me.

 _“You were already dirtied, from deep, deep inside, a long, long time ago. Do you really believe I exist? I’m just the darkness inside you.”_ Rize was part of his thoughts, she was only an illusion, Rize didn’t actually exist, she was only his alter ego to whom blame for his darkness.

 _“You are not_ white _anymore, Kaneki, but you’re not_ gray _either”_ Rize’s smooth arms hugged him from behind. It was a feeling so realistic it was hard to tell it wasn’t real. _“You’ve killed already, after all. You’re more into the_ black _than the_ white _.”_

-“Killed”? What are you saying? I’ve never killed anyone.

_“Never? Wasn’t it you who killed Yamori?”_

-Me?

 _“You don’t remember?”_ Rize’s hands traveled from his chest to his face, covering his eyes with her thin fingers. _“That day, when the Doves attacked Aogiri’s hideout. Yamori tried to eat you. But you freed yourself and killed him, remember, Kaneki?”_

-No… I didn’t…- suddenly, a bunch of images ran inside his head, like memories. Memories that weren’t his but would stick on the originals, and those moments, where he lost the will to keep fighting and fell into the ground, were slowly turning into a murder scene. No… he hadn’t killed Yamori. He had cried, defenseless, useless as he is, and had given up.

_“No. Your hatred took control over you, you break your chains and killed him. Don’t you remember the gross taste of his ghoul meat inside your mouth?”_

-I… killed Yamori…

_“You ate him.”_

-I freed from the chains. I released my kagune and I… fought against him… and won…

_“And now he’s inside you, just like me.”_

Rize’s fingers finally left his face and Kaneki watched her standing in front of him, next to them man who had ruined his entire life.

Both voices sounded perfectly synchronized and mixed when they spoke.

_“It’s almost time for you to fall as deep as us.”_

_._

Kaneki woke up from his nightmare with a jump, like when you dream of falling to the emptiness. He opened his eyes and found himself exalted, staring at an unfamiliar ceiling and feeling his wrists and ankles tied up to the bed. He looked at the chains and quickly linked them to the ones Yamori had put on him, going back to that torture room. He began to desperately struggle in the bed, trying to break out from his restrains, but they seemed too strong.

-Calm down- a man started getting close to him. He was big and strong, Kaneki’s mind was still confused and his eyes weak because of the intense and blinding light. Something in his appearance took Yamori’s cruel and sadistic form.

-No! Stay away, let me go! Please, no! Help!- Kaneki shouted with all the strength he had, struggling in the sheets.

-Relax, I’m not gonna hurt you- the man’s figure began to gain its own form from Kaneki’s hurt eyes. Eventually, every trace of Yamori disappeared, and in his place he found a tall dark-haired man, with confident warm eyes. His hand burned against his sweaty forehead. He felt so relieved it wasn’t Yamori that he just began tearing up. Amon watched him, with worry and pity. He shook his head, remembering those were feelings he shouldn’t feel for a ghoul –Do you recognize me?

-…Y-you’re…- Kaneki blinked a couple times, remembering his first encounter with that man, after one his had killed Hinami’s mother.

-Amon Kotarou, you remember me?

-Y-yes…- _“You were that murderer’s partner”_

-I took you out of Aogiri, can you recognize my voice?

Suddenly, like a lightning, the memories of the last days ran past his eyes like a movie in high-speed. Memories that were real, and memories that were faked, impossible to tell which were which.

-Yes… the Investigator… I r-remember…- he muttered feeling like his head was about to explode.

Amon grinned satisfied and sat back to his side.

-We fed you, you woke up, went mad and then stabbed yourself with your kagune, can you recall that? You’ve been asleep for two days since then.

-I do recall…

This time, the Investigator’s face turned serious.

-What’s your name?- he asked.

Kaneki didn’t answer and just stared at him for a while. Every part of his face, his expressions, the depth of his eyes, the form of his brows. He was definitely the same as that day. That man who would speak to him so nicely, was the same one who had given him a beating near the bridge months ago.

-If you don’t want to answer, that’s fine. Then, how old are you?

When he answered to that one, he noticed his voice sounded weird. He didn’t sound like always, it was as if he were inside another person’s body.

-Nineteen…

-Are you from the 20th District?

-Yes.

-Have you been living here your whole life?

-Yeah.

-Are you part of the Aogiri group?

Amon noticed how that question had caused a shadow over the boy.

-No…- he answered with a growl, remembering what Aogiri had done to him. Be one of them? Never. On the contrary, he thought about hunting them down, one by one.

The Investigator bended over, with his fingers interlaced and under his chin. He stared at the ghoul.

-Have we met before?- he asked, vaguely remembering a face like his.

Kaneki averted his eyes to the ground, hoping the older one wouldn’t recognize him from before. His partner had died because of him, after all.

Amon made a face, while staring at him, until he was interrupted by a cellphone call. He stood up and left the room to talk.

Once Amon had left, Kaneki looked at his eyes and noticed that the red marks on his fingers, caused from his fingers being pulled out so many times, were already gone, but his nails had turned black. Also the trace of the chains that were on his wrists and ankles now seemed like a bad dream. He then took a lock of hair and found a pure white, it almost seemed dyed so good no one would tell his hair used to be black. He had read about the _Marie Antoinette Syndrome_ before in a history book, but just like many skeptics, he didn’t believe it.

He lay down against the bed’s headboard and stared at the ceiling, his thoughts going somewhere else. His hand arrived instinctively to his belly. Yes, he could remember everything. When remembering he could still feel the pain of stabbing himself and was even able to remember the doctor’s voice when he had opened him and explaining that what was inside him would have become a baby.

He wasn’t sure why, but he began to cry.

Amon came back into the room in that moment and stopped when he saw the ghoul tearing up. The boy smiled at him when he caught his gaze.

-Is _it_ dead?- he asked, his voice broke down in the last word.

-…It is- the Investigator answered, sitting back down beside him.

Kaneki shut his eyes, in full pain, no physical, but the one that really hurt.

-Why do you care that much? Wasn’t it from the ghoul who tortured you?- Amon couldn’t quite get the boy’s reaction.

-It was- Kaneki answered, this time looking right into his eyes –But that wasn’t its fault.

Now that Amon had seen him crying, a picture ran fast through his head. A raining night and a ghoul wearing a bizarre mask, crying. He rapidly stood up from the chair, pushing it down to the ground.

-Now I remember… you are…- he muttered, and Kaneki knew it wasn’t worth keeping it a secret anymore.

-Yeah, we met that night on the bridge.

-Of course, the rinkaku is the same- his hands turned into fists –You killed my mentor… you killed Madou-san…

-I did not- the other answered and looked down.

-I know it wasn’t you, I know it was _Rabbit._ But you were the distraction. It was because of you that I couldn’t make it on time.

-I’m sorry…- the boy apologized.

Amon’s jaw tensed.

-You’re _sorry_? I don’t buy it. You’re just a ghoul. You ghouls feel nothing, you’re not better than mere animals. You imitate humans so you can keep yourself hidden and make up things like love and sadness. But you actually feel nothing.

Kaneki laughed low and stared back right at the man’s eyes with a face full in pain, maybe the most real one Amon had ever seen before.

-Why do humans think that?- the boy whispered, with a broken voice.

Amon bit his lower lip and turned his hands into fists. He turned around and left the room, violently shutting the door. When Kaneki found himself alone, he cried out louder.

.

Akira watched as his partner walked into the office pissed off. He threw some documents over his desk and then loudly sat down into his chair. He let out grunt while massaging his temple.

-Did something happen?- his partner wondered, worried.

-It’s _Eyepatch_ \- he grumbled.

-Who?

-The boy from the fifth building! He’s _Eyepatch_!- Amon shouted, unable to control his voice.

-Okay, calm down, Amon- the girl asked him and then sat down beside him –That’s actually a good thing, isn’t it? We caught the ghoul we were assigned to.

-I saved the damn ghoul that killed Madou-san! What’s so good about that!? I should’ve killed him!

-I thought it was _Rabbit_ who killed him.

-It’s the same! He was the distraction! He works with her!

-Perfect, he can guide us to her.

Amon stood up and hit the desk, finally exploding.

-How can you be so calm!? That damn ghoul was one of the ones who killed your father!

-Am I supposed to lose control like you, Investigator Amon? Tell me, would it have made you feel better if he had died? You said it yourself, didn’t you? That you would rather do everything you can before letting him die. Even if he was involved with my father’s murder, I would have never wished for him to suffer everything that Aogiri did to him.

Amon sat back at his chair, thoughtful.

-Did you ask him about the scar or the embryo?

-No- Amon answered, more calm now –Sorry, when I found out who he was I just lost it.

-I’ll go- the woman said and reached for a recorder on her desk.

-Coming with you.

.

Amon couldn’t help staring at the ghoul with resentment after finding out who he really was, his partner, however, remained calm and serious.

-Good evening, _Eyepatch-_ the blonde greeted and sat next to him. Amon stood behind her, like a bodyguard.

-Is it _evening_?- the ghoul asked, deep into his thoughts.

-It is, it’s almost six pm- she answered, looking at her watch. She then took out the recorder from her pocket, turning it on –I’m Rank 2 Investigator, Akira Madou. I’m here to make you some questions.

-I didn’t kill that Investigator- he said immediately, gazing at her.

-I know that, it was your friend, right? _Rabbit_.

-I really appreciate what you’ve done for me- he began to say –But I’m afraid I don’t know who you’re talking about. I just happened to ran into Investigator Amon.

- _Eyepatch,_ did you know that the man your friend killed had a family? I am his daughter.

Kaneki seemed concerned. He stared at Akira for a few seconds, silent, before gritting his teeth and frown.

-What about… Hinami-chan?- he muttered –Her parents were also killed by you, Investigators… She was only a child and you left her all alone!

-We’re Investigators, it’s our job. We’re protecting man-kind.

-And are we supposed to just stand still while you kill us!? HINAMI NEVER HURT ANYONE!- the chains restraining him tautened.

-Your kagune can’t be released, you are under tranquilizer’s effects- Kaneki clenched on the sheets and growled. Akira stood up and kept talking, changing the subject –We found a strange scar at one side of your abdomen, do you mind telling us about it?

-It’s from a kidney transplant- he answered, giving up on fighting against the chains and laying back on the bed. He had struggle so much against Yamori’s restrains, he had no more physical nor mental strength to keep on doing it.

-A kidney transplant? To a ghoul?

Kaneki understood what he had said was illogical. Right, ghouls had no kidney problems and they didn’t get scars. He grinned.

-Are you interested? This might be of great use for the CCG. If you let me go, I’ll tell you.

-Your freedom is not negotiable- it was Amon who spoke this time –We don’t mind being left wondering about it.

-The only thing we want to know, and the reason why we haven’t killed you, is about Aogiri- the blonde explained, holding the recorder closer to the boy.

-I know nothing about Aogiri.

Amon clenched his teeth.

-You were at their hideout, you were _Jason_ ’s prisoner and you were tortured for a reason- the black-haired man growled.

-Yamori tried to kill me, but he ended up fascinated about my regeneration abilities. He took me to Aogiri just to play with me and tortured me for days. I’ve never been with them, I know nothing about them.

-Goddammit!- Amon punched the wall.

-I recommend you to start talking, _Eyepatch_ , for your own sake- Akira threatened him.

-After all they did to me… do you really believe I wouldn’t give you information if I had it?

Akira sighed with resignation and turned off the recorder.

-Tomorrow you’ll be transferred to COCHLEA. Rest for now- Akira informed him and left the room, being followed by Amon.

Kaneki bit his bottom lip. So this was the end.

.

-Well, that was pointless- Akira groaned, leaving the recorder on her desk.

-I’ll take care of the report- Amon said, scratching his head. He really needed to release all that stress, he would arrive home today and make three times his usual exercise routine.

-Amon- Akira called and he looked at her before receiving a punch in the face.

-I warned you- was everything she said and then sat back down on her chair.

Amon understood his partner was also stressed.

.

Leaving a report in your superior’s office informing about your failure wasn’t the best feeling in the world. After being yelled by Marude for minutes and a long lecture full of “I told you”s, Amon finished another work day, late. He just wanted to get back home and keep on with his daily routine.

He walked in front of the room where the ghoul was kept and looked through the one-way window. _Eyepatch_ was staring at the ceiling; his eyes were worn out from crying so much.

He decided to keep on walking, directly to his house, but he suddenly stopped. He let out a heavy sigh and turned on his back, entering the ghoul’s room.

-Investigator Amon- Kaneki recognized him immediately.

Amon sat down next to him and sighed again.

-Listen, the truth is, I was hoping to get some information when I took you out of that room, you know? I thought, I don’t know, that maybe you would cooperate. When I found out you were actually _Eyepatch_ I was mad because I know you are _Rabbit_ ’s friend, but at the same time, I felt somehow relieved because that meant my debt had been paid off.

-Debt?- Kaneki asked, confused.

-You let me go that night, and I saved your life some days ago. I think we’re good now.

Kaneki chuckled and stared back at the ceiling.

-Do you know why a baby between a ghoul and a human can’t be, Investigator?

-If the mother is human, the baby can’t get the nutrients he needs. If the mother is a ghoul, her body will confuse the baby with nutrients and will absorb it- Amon answered.

-Do you know, then, why my baby didn’t make it?- Kaneki asked, but Amon didn’t answer –I had a kidney transplant more than a year ago, I can only guess a kidney wasn’t everything they put inside me, maybe that’s where the womb came from. The baby followed its instincts, because I wasn’t able to feed him the nutrients he needed, he began to eat me. Because I’m also human.

-Your eye- the Investigator recalled. He had heard that urban legend a lot of times before. A one-eyed ghoul. A miracle being born from a human and a ghoul, and hybrid, stronger than any other ghoul. If this boy was _that_ ghoul, then he had in front of him a potential SSS –Are you that hybrid from the urban legend?- maybe it was better to ask him directly.

-I’m not- he answered –I’m different from _that_ ghoul. I used to be human until some time ago.

Amon looked at him with surprise.

-What? That’s impossible.

-That’s what happened to me.

-Human can’t become ghouls, how did you…?

Kaneki averted his eyes to the floor.

-Sorry, I don’t know that either.

Amon stood up, aggressively.

-You don’t even know what you are?

-Pathetic, right?- the boy grumbled, with a sad smile on his face.

Amon let out all his frustration in a sigh. That ghoul was only playing with his mind.

-Good night, _Eyepatch_ \- the Investigator said, turning on his back to leave the room.

-Kaneki.

-Eh?- Amon looked back at him.

The ghoul smiled.

-My name is Kaneki Ken.

.

Amon couldn’t sleep all night long, he arrived to the office with two big dark circles under his eyes. He had thought about the boy’s words and decided not to report it, because he wasn’t sure himself of how much was true and lie.

-Amon- his partner called him –COCHLEA’s truck is here. They need your signature to hand your responsibility over _Eyepatch_ to the prison’s officers.

Amon followed his partner all the way through the halls until the room’s door. Two COCHLEA armed officers were already there, just waiting for them so they could escort the ghoul to the truck. One of them handed Amon a pen and some papers which he signed without bothering reading, it wasn’t necessary.

The officers entered the room and went close to Kaneki, one of them held him from behind before the boy was even able to react, and the other one injected him a syringe with _RC Suppressants_ and tranquilizers in the inner corner of the eye. Amon averted his eyes from him when he heard him screaming in pain. The tranquilizer worked almost instantly, and the officers easily changed his chains and put on him the best ones they had, they’ve heard the report about him being a one-eyed ghoul, after all. Having extra precaution was never enough.

-I envy COCHLEA’s doctor- Dr. Shiba showed up –He’s gonna be able to experiment with that hybrid as much as he wants. By any chance, you didn’t ask him anything about the embryo or the scar, did you?

Amon gulped.

-What was written in the report was everything we got from him- Akira answered.

-That’s a shame.

It’s not like Amon was hiding information, it was just that he didn’t even believe it himself, so he didn’t think it was necessary to share it. He could read on the COCHLEA’s medic report later… If Kaneki was still alive by then…

He gritted his teeth.

-C’mon, walk- COCHLEA’s officers helped him to stand up and he hardly walked to the door, with the guns pointed at his head, so he wouldn’t try anything.

When he got out of the room, his gaze found Amon’s. The Investigator got tense when he read “help” all over the boy’s face. He followed them from behind, making sure they made it to the truck.

-You think he’s gonna be fine?- Amon asked his partner once the truck had left.

-I don’t think they’ll kill him anytime soon, if that’s what you mean. He still has information about _Rabbit_. Commander Marude had a good relationship with my father, I’m sure they’ll get him to speak.

-…How, exactly?- Amon knew very well about COCHLEA’s brutal methods. He had rescued that boy from a hell, and put him into another.

-Amon- his partner reminded him –It’s a _ghoul._

-…Right…- he wasn’t supposed to feel sorry for him.

.

-Alright, now that _Eyepatch_ was captured, our work will end for today. Tomorrow, Marude-san will assign us a new objective- Akira informed him and stretched out –I hope they give us _Rabbit_.

- _Rabbit_ was already assigned, do you want to work together with another group?

-I’ll check if we can get full responsibility over _Rabbit_ ’s investigation. Those useless Investigators haven’t found any single clue about her.

-She hadn’t have any activity until a short while ago- Amon smiled.

They both sighed at the very same time, sitting in their chairs. They could finally relax after so long.

-Amon!- Shinohara came in in a hurry, slamming the door. How long did the relaxation lasted? –The truck where _Eyepatch_ was being transported got attacked by a group of ghouls!

Amon and Akira stood up in reflex.

- _Eyepatch_ is free again!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many "standing up"s and "sitting down"s in this chapter, sorry about that XD (And there were more in the spanish version, I just noticed when translating it)  
> The "fun" begins in the next chapter, wait for it soon ;)  
> Thank you very much for all your comments and kudos, really, they are my motivation to keep on this story ;u; I just want to hug you all.
> 
> And here's another one of Curlie's stories no-one-gives-a-shit-about: So, I come from a very "party-lovers" family, yesterday my aunt and uncle invited my family to have dinner with them and they ended up drinking and partying (like always...) I don't drink, so I was just with them, chatting while drinking water. My mom then handed me a glass of something.  
> "Try it" she said "It's pinneapple juice with vodka"  
> Me: "Nah, you know I don't like drinking, mom"  
> Mom: "C'mon it's good! Just try it!"  
> Me: "Alright" So, I tried it "It tastes just like normal pinneapple juice..."  
> Mom: "Exactly!"  
> Me: "...Then why put vodka in it? Why not have just plain pinneapple juice?"  
> My mom then stared at me, kind of disappointed "Oh, just forget it, Brenda..."  
> And then I had plain pinneapple juice all night long...  
> So, the moral of this story is: You don't have to drink to have fun. (And Curlies is an "old fashioned grandma" (my sister's words exactly))


	6. Never-ending Hell

Touka wouldn’t stop walking around the room from side to side. Hinami was sitting on one of the armchairs, pretending to be calm, but as worried as Touka on the inside. Nishiki was the same, sitting on the armchair, with his arms crossed. Irimi and Kouma had kept quiet since they entered the room.

After eternal minutes full of anguish, the door finally opened and the manager came in, along with Yomo. Touka didn’t even bother greeting them, she began to yell at them.

-How much longer are we supposed to wait!? We have no idea of what those people might be doing with Kaneki!

-Touka, I know you’re mad about what happened in Aogiri- Yomo spoke –We didn’t make it on time and when we finally arrived to the fifth building, those Doves had already taken Kaneki with them. But you don’t have to blame yourself, nor anyone else, there’s no way we could have predicted that.

-Being in the CCG is nothing! But once they send him to COCHLEA, we can just throw everything to hell!

-That’s true- this time, it was manager Yoshimura who answered –If Kaneki gets to COCHLEA, we can say goodbye to him forever. COCHLEA is the most secure prison in all the country, it’s impossible to burst into it.

-What are we waiting for, then!? Let’s go get him!

-Touka, we can’t just walk into the CCG like nothing, that’s like turning ourselves in- Yomo denied.

Touka gritted her teeth and slammed her fists into the desk, making Hinami jump.

-Are we just gonna stay here with our arms crossed just like we were for days while he was at Aogiri’s, then!?

-Of course not, but we have to wait for the right time- Yomo explained –Kaneki is a ghoul, the CCG is not gonna keep him in their Head Quarters for long. Soon, they’ll have to send him to COCHLEA, and when that happens, it will be easier for us to rescue him.

.

Commander Marude came into the room breathing fire. He slammed his documents on the desk and shouted:

-Investigator Amon! Give a summary of the incident!

The aforementioned stood up and began to narrate, informing everybody what had happened the day before.

-Yesterday, at 1,130 hours, the truck from COCHLEA transporting the ghoul known as _Eyepatch_ was attacked by a gang of, approximately, five members or more. There was no casualties and, according to the officers, one of the ghouls coincide with Level S, _Rabbit_.

-Investigator Amon, would you tell us all here _Eyepatch_ ’s level?

Amon gulped.

-I’m sorry, Marude-san, but we still aren’t sure how dangerous he might be.

-You’ve been investigating him for a year, and you still can’t give me an approximately level!?

-Sir, with all respect, _Eyepatch_ is a ghoul with very low and discrete activity.

-Then why don’t you tell us about that thing you wrote on your report, about his eyes!?

-…Sir, like I specified in the report, I’m not a hundred percent sure of what I saw…- he almost stuttered.

- _Eyepatch_ is an hybrid! We let a damn hybrid ghoul get away! Do you even know how many hybrid ghouls we know about!? Just one! And that’s that damn _One-eyed-king_ of Aogiri!

The room kept completely quiet. _“An hybrid? That one from the urban legend? Did he really existed?”_ were only some of the questions circling around their heads.

-Sir- Amon kept his cool – _Eyepatch_ is not with Aogiri…

-And how the hell would you know that, Investigator Amon Kotarou!? Because it told you that!? Get me in touch with COCHLEA’s Warden! We’re gonna give that bunch of useless dumbasses extra training! This is something unacceptable from this country’s most secure prison! And about _Eyepatch,_ I want to see its face on every news, every newspaper and every single corner of Japan by tomorrow! That’s it!

 Once the reunion was over, Amon kept sit in his chair, mixing some papers and then putting them back in order, to distract himself from so much stress. Akira showed up next to him, clapping her hands sarcastically.

-Great, we have much more work now.

-Is it my fault that the truck got attacked?- Amon shot back at her.

-If Marude didn’t know he was a one-eyed ghoul, he wouldn’t be making this big fuss now. It’s only a matter of time before he calls the UN…

-Well, excuse me for not lying in an official report?

Akira looked around her, making sure no one was around to listen. She then bended down to Amon’s height.

-Amon, all the CCG is talking bad things about you- she whispered.

-About me?

-They say it was you who planned his escape.

-That’s absurd!

-I know, I know, but you can’t blame them, their eyes are all over you since that _incident_ with the blood you gave him. Listen, we must find _Eyepatch_ no matter what, only then will you be able to clean up your name.

“Cleaning up his name” wasn’t really in his priorities. He would find him, only because that was his job.

.

Hinami was sitting at the coffee shop’s bar, focusing on how her feet would hang to the front and then to the back, endlessly. Kouma was the only one aside from her to stay at the cafe, to take care of it. He was as nervous as Hinami, he didn’t even noticed he had been wiping the very same cup for the last thirty minutes.

The doorbell rang, announcing the coming of a client and they both looked at it quickly.

Hinami jumped out of the chair.

-Nii-chan!- the first thing she did when she saw Kaneki was jump over him and cry, clinging to his clothes, scared of him disappearing once again.

-I’m back, Hinami-chan- the eldest smiled, hugging her back.

There was something strange in his voice, his appearance, even his smile. Hinami noticed then, Kaneki was never going to be the same person she met.

.

-What happened at Aogiri?- manager Yoshimura asked Kaneki, once they were alone at his office.

-I was under Ayato’s orders for some days- he answered, with a hoarse voice –Everyday we, a big group of “slaves”, were put into a room and they would give us corpses to dismember. We could only eat after the bosses were done, there were only a couple of bones for all of us. Banjou-san made up a group and we tried to escape. We almost did it, but Yamori found out…- he looked at the ground, remembering –He offered me that if I went with him, he would let the others go away… so I did… and… he…- his heart began to race, memories of all that had happened inside that room, with that psycho, running through his head. He could feel his hands touching all of his body, and an electric feeling in his fingers. The body had a memory of its own, especially when it comes to pain.

Yoshimura sat down next to him and touched his shoulder.

-Kaneki, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to- he said, understanding.

The boy bit his lower lip, but he couldn’t stop a tear from escaping.

-What about the CCG?- asked the manager then and Kaneki wipe his face.

-They were kind to me. They got me out of Aogiri and an Investigator took care of me and fed me.

-They wanted information.

-Which I didn’t have. He recognized me, he was the partner of the Investigator that Touka-chan killed. I didn’t tell them anything about you or this place.

-It’s okay, I trust you, Kaneki. Take some days off, you need to rest.

Kaneki chuckled.

-I think it would be better for me to get distracted. Is it okay if I start tomorrow?

-Kaneki- the manager’s face turned serious –You can’t keep working at Anteiku.

-Eh?

-They saw your face, Kaneki, by tomorrow your face will be everywhere. It’s too dangerous, for you and for Anteiku as well.

-B-but… Anteiku is everything I have… Are you asking me to leave?

-It would be safer for you to move to another District. Don’t worry, if you decide to do so, Anteiku will help you economically so you can live with no worries for some months.

-I don’t want to leave District 20!

-Kaneki, by tomorrow, you’ll be one of the most wanted people in the country. You have to be somewhere else.

-Anteiku is my home! This coffee shop is everything I have! You’re all the family I have! I do not want to leave!- Kaneki’s voice tone leveled up and he stood up, aggressively. Yoshimura looked disconcerted.

-Kaneki, I think you need some rest, go to sleep.

The boy gritted his teeth.

-First, you leave me in that place…- he muttered.

-Kaneki, we never…

-You abandoned me in that place to die! Do you have any of what Yamori did to me!? I wished to just die for days, but this cursed body didn’t let me! And when I’m finally back, you’re throwing me out!

-Listen, my priority is not only you, it’s all the member of Anteiku, and right now you are a danger for all of them.

Kaneki growled and left the room, feeling Yoshimura following.

-Kaneki, where are you going?- Touka asked him when seeing him walking to the door.

-Anywhere else, looks like I’m not welcome here…

-Hah? What the hell are you talking about?

-The Doves looked at his face- Yoshimura explained and everyone from Anteiku looked at him –Kaneki can’t stay at Anteiku anymore.

-Nii-chan has to leave?- Hinami’s eyes watered.

-But manager, the Investigators looked at Hinami’s face too! And she’d been fine until now!- Touka excused –If the problem is his hair color, we can just dye it or give him a wig or I don’t know!

-It’s not the same to have a look at a young child for some seconds, a face that changes through the years, than to have for days the same young adult with them. Even if you were to put him on some eye contacts, wig or whatever, they will recognize him immediately. Tomorrow when his face is everywhere, even our clients are going to recognize him and report him. I don’t doubt the reward will be very high. This place is not safe for Kaneki anymore, nor for us.

-Kaneki can’t leave!- Touka was stubborn as always. Hinami began to cry.

Nishiki, Yomo, Irimi and Kouma understood what Yoshimura was saying and kept silent. It was the best thing for everyone. Kaneki would grow to understand that.

-It’s fine, Touka- Kaneki said, but he himself didn’t believe it.

-No, it is not! Where are you going to live!?- she shouted.

-I’ll manage it somehow, I always do- he answered and left the coffee shop.

 _“Being a person who gets hurt instead of being the person who hurts others”_ that’s what his mother taught him. If his friends ended up being hurt because of him, he would never forgive himself. Instead, he decided it was better to disappear until the things would calm down.

Something in his chest burned, he first thought it was sadness or fear. Then he noticed it was hatred. Hatred towards Anteiku and they’re indifference.

Kaneki passed the night on the streets. He couldn’t sleep because of the freezing cold.

.

-By now, pictures of _Eyepatch_ must be in every newspapers around Japan, every news channel and even stamped on the streets- Commander Marude said in the morning briefing –Because of its unknown level, fact of being an hybrid, having vital information and probably being the leader of Aogiri itself or any other elite group of ghouls yet unknown who were able to effectively attack a truck of COCHLEA; the CCG is offering a reward of 150 million yens for it. This is, until now, the biggest amount we had ever offered for a ghoul. But this only means that the high-ups think of this ghoul as extremely dangerous.

All the room began to murmur about the big amount of money as reward. There were no doubts, he would soon be reported by people or even other ghouls.

Once the briefing was over, Amon returned to the office followed by Akira, to wait for a call that would give them any clue.

-150 million yens? Wow, who’d say our cute lost kitty cat would be worth that much?- Akira joked.

-It’s too dangerous, after all.

-Eh? So it’s true?- a person came into the office, the part time worker with his usual baseball cap and jacket. He was a simple university student with dyed blond hair and was carrying some packages –I really thought they had mistaken the amount, but, incredible, so it’s really a hundred-fifty million, huh?

-Nagachika-kun, right?- Akira asked, receiving the packages and signing for them.

-For you, Akira-san, Hideyoshi is fine- he winked at her and Akira smiled.

-I don’t think so, Nagachika-kun.

-That cold of yours is also good, Akira-san- the boy laughed –Hey, what if I captured him? Would I get all that money?

-Nagachika-kun, if you happen to see this ghoul, you better run away as fast as you can- Amon warned him.

-Is he that dangerous?

-We’re not exactly sure, but we suspect it- Akira answered.

-If we give any information about him, would we get some reward too?

-If you give information about his localization and he gets captured, you will be given a 60% of the reward, the other 40% will be divided between the Investigators who captured him.

-Isn’t that kinda unfair? I mean, we don’t have quinques, we wouldn’t hurt him even if we tried to.

-It’s said that Special Class Arima captured a ghoul using only an umbrella.

-Arima-san is not from this world…

They both laughed, even Amon chuckled a little and then both Investigators got back to work and Hide left.

Once out of the office, he then left the CCG building and took out his cellphone.

He dialed Kaneki’s number, but the tone kept ringing with no response.

_“C’mon, Kaneki, pick up you phone. You’ve gotta run away from here…”_

Mail voice. Nothing. Hide hang up and scratched his head.

It’s been weeks since the last time he knew about him, Anteiku wouldn’t tell him anything and now he had found out his best friend had been in the CCG and had ran away. Kaneki must be really scared by now. Hide just wanted to let him know he was there to help him, no matter what.

.

Kaneki heard his cellphone ringing. The tone he had chosen for Hide was different from the normal, but even so, he picked up the phone and stared at the screen. There was something relaxing about the “Hide” that was written. He wanted to answer. No, what would he say? “Hey, Hide, man, maybe you already saw me in the newspapers and on TV of all Japan, so, I need a place to stay until things calm down a little, can I stay with you?” That was stupid. The worst thing was that knew perfectly well that Hide would never say no. But he couldn’t ask him for it, either.

Once the phone send Hide to the voice mail, Kaneki put it back in his blue jacket’s pocket and leaned against the wall. There was a stinky trashcan near him, which kept him hidden. No one has seen him until now, so it was okay even if it smelled.

-Ya sayin’ ya heard a cellphone ‘round here?- some voices came from the street and Kaneki leaned some more so they wouldn’t see him.

-I tell you, it has to be near here, have you heard about those thieves who steal stuff and hide it to go get it later at night? Maybe it’s not just a cellphone but a whole purse with some money or jewels- another voice said.

-I think ya shoul’ stahp watching TV Series- the first voice mocked.

-I also heard the cellphone- a third voice. And that was everything Kaneki could hear. So three, huh? Humans? Ghouls? Would they find him?

He hadn’t even finished thinking about it when the three men stood up in front of him. Kaneki looked at them, scared.

-Hah? A homeless facker?- it was the guy he heard first, he had orange-dyed hair but his beard was still brown.

-Wait, isn’t that the guy from this morning news? The ghoul who escaped from the CCG?- the second one had a beauty mark between his upper lip and nose, slightly to the right, and his hair was shoulder-length.

-Really!? You mean the 150 million one!?- the third one had a skin color darker than the others and his figure was more athlete.

-But…- the first one got closer to him, entering his personal space, and sniffed making Kaneki paralyzed –Why da ya smell like a female?- when he opened his eyes, his kakugan was showing.

Before Kaneki could react, a fist tried to punch him, but he was able to evade it and the fist ended up punching the wall he was leaned on, making a crack on it. Kaneki crawled away from them and stood on his feet.

-Let’s see if you really are worth the 150 million- the second ghoul laughed.

The three of them had their kakugan visible already and their kagune as well. Two koukaku, no problem, but the first one the one with dyed orange hair and gross way of speaking, he was a bikaku.

 _“It’s no problem either, right? You killed a Level S kakuja, Yamori, after all”_ Rize snickered in his ear.

Right. This was going to be easy.

Kaneki released his rinkaku, determined to defend himself. He could feel his left eye changing.

-Leave me alone, please- a warning. This way he could at least say he did it in self-defense.

-O-one eye?- the second ghoul with the long hair seemed to regret it.

-It’s impossible that he’s the “one eye”, that shit’s only a fackin’ legend! He’s usin’ a trick to scare us! It’s 150 million, let’s go!- the first one shouted and threw his blood-colored tail-like kagune against him.

His movements were less coordinated than many of the ghouls Kaneki had fought before, so it was easy for him to predict them and evade them.

The other two also attacked him with a sword-like kagune around their arms. Kaneki dodged the long haired ghoul, but he took the extension of the dark-skinned one and threw him against the wall with force.

-I don’t want to hurt you, please, leave- that was his last warning, maybe after showing them his strength, they would flee. But instead of doing so, the three prepared to attack again.

They left him no other choice.

Kaneki used one his kagune to pierce through one of them, the one with dark skin.

-Ngh!- he spit out blood and slide through the rinkaku until he hit the floor in a pool of blood, moaning.

-Ya fackin’ brat!- the other two ghouls jumped on him, the koukaku was slow, so when the bikaku reached him, he only needed one his members to grab his tail and another one to stab him, like he had done with the other one. When the koukaku got closer, Kaneki dodged him and stabbed him on the back.

Now the three ghouls were laying around him, bleeding. They would be no nuisance anymore, he could now leave and look for a new place to hide.

He turned around and began to walk towards the street, when he suddenly stopped.

Maybe he wouldn’t be able to eat in a very long time.

 _“It tastes horrible, but it will make you stronger. You need to become stronger to survive”_ that soft and sweet voice of Rize inside his head.

Kaneki stared at the ghoul closer to him, the koukaku. His fingers were shaking because of the pain and his kagune had disappeared in the air. He was ugly, he didn’t even seem appetizing, but in this kind of situation he couldn’t act all picky.

He stepped on his head and the ghoul groaned, thinking he would kick him, but instead of that, Kaneki held his arm while pushing his head away, it was a method he learned at Aogiri, when dismembering corpses, he pulled the arm and twisted it until it got separated from the rest of the body. The pain had been so horrible, the ghoul couldn’t even scream.

-What the fuck are you doing!?- the long-haired ghoul shouted at him –We won’t say a thing, so don’t kill us!

Kaneki ignored him and began to take off the pieces of ripped cloth from the arm, until it was nude. The three ghouls stared at him. He wasn’t doing what they were thinking… was he?

A bite and Kaneki tasted the blood and meat running through his throat. It tasted like rotten-fish’s guts, but it would keep him alive, it would make him stronger.

-Ya’re sick, man!- the bad-mouthed ghoul shouted and tried to run away from there, crawling. Kaneki pierced his legs –AGH!

-Where do you think you’re going?- when the ghoul looked back, Kaneki was already there, staring at him –I’m really hungry, you know?

.

Nothing. Not a call, not even a message. It was as if _Eyepatch_ had disappeared in the air. Well, it had only been a day, there was no need in rushing things, he would soon make a mistake, and then they would be on his track.

-Nothing yet?- Akira came back from the restroom, hoping that something interesting had happened while she was gone.

-Well, workday finishes in 15 more minutes- Amon responded.

-I guess we’ll just have to keep waiting. Let’s hope for the ghoul to make something tonight, so tomorrow we’ll have a bunch of clues about him. Heavens, even knowing what clothes he’s wearing would be of great help.

-We’ll just have to wait.

Another workday ended. Akira said she had other things to do and took another path. Amon would take some work home today, hoping that he would find any clues he may have not seen before in his one-year work.

When he arrived to his apartment, it was a cold as outside. Had he left a window open? He shouldn’t be so careless. He locked the door and left his briefcase with his quinque inside in the kitchen. Keeping his eyes on the papers he had been reading since the elevator.

When he entered the living room, he saw a strange form at his window.

-Good evening, Investigator Amon.

Kaneki Ken, with his blood-stained clothes, smiled at him from the window’s frame.

-What are you doing here? Planning on giving yourself in?

-You left your quinque in the kitchen. Someone with your job shouldn’t be so careless.

-Right, excuse me, it’s just that not every day I arrive home to find the country’s most wanted ghoul in my living room.

Kaneki’s gaze fell to the floor.

-I’m not gonna hurt you, Investigator.

-What are you doing here?- he repeated.

-I followed you, all the way from the CCG to here.

-What for?

Kaneki hesitated a little and then bit his lower lip.

-I… I have nowhere to go…- he muttered.

Amon frowned.

-My face is everywhere- the boy said –Everyone is looking for me.

-They’re offering 150 million yens for you, what were you expecting? The CCG really wants to get their hands on you.

Amon stepped back discreetly, trying to get to his quinque. Kaneki jump off the window frame and stood up in front of the couch.

-I was already attacked today by a group of ghouls…- Kaneki looked at his jacket full of blood –I had no choice, you know? Even though I don’t want to hurt anybody…

-You’re just a wolf in a sheep’s clothes.

-More like a sheep in the damn body of a wolf…- Kaneki chuckled –Investigator Amon, I can get you as many information as you want. I can infiltrate in Aogiri if you want me to. I know a very good informant too, she can find out anything for a good deal. I’m willing to do anything, just… let me stay one night here, please…

-Hah?

-I have nowhere else to go- tears began to drop from his eyes –My parents died long time ago, my friends rejected me, I have an aunt, but she would definitely sell me out to the CCG for the money…

-And why are you coming here? I work for the CCG.

Amon was only making conversation so he would have more time to get to his briefcase. It was close.

-I’m not sure, actually… I feel comfortable around you…

Amon’s quinque was now to the reach of his hand.

-Investigator Amon, may I ask you a favor?

Amon frowned.

-If you are gonna attack me with your quinque…- he smiled –Please, kill me.

Amon’s hand stopped only a few inches away from the handle.

-Eh?

-I’d rather die than being sent to COCHLEA… That’s why, please, if you are gonna use your quinque, make sure to kill me… I should have died a long, long time ago, anyways- he covered his face with both hands.

Amon put down his arm and stared at him. He was shaking, scared, alone. That boy’s hell was a never-ending one.

The Investigator sighed with frustration.

-I might have an extra futon in the closet… You can sleep in the living room.

His answer made the boy cry more.

-Thank you… thank you very much…- he moaned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so then fun begins. Sorry for taking so long in the story and that, I just wanted to make a fluff-cute-romantic fanfics for once (?)  
> See you in the next chapter!  
> Your comments and kudos are my fuel! Thank you very much!


	7. Under the Same Roof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for taking so long to upload this chapter. Actually, I'm not gonna lie to you, I started watching Hunter X Hunter, and OMG, I'm so obssessed right now. Well, anyways, here it is, again, sorry about the delay, I hope I can update the next one soon!  
> ENJOY!

That was the first time Amon had ever slept with his quinque on the chest, or better said “lay down” because he hadn’t been able to sleep all night long. He couldn’t help thinking about the ghoul in his living room and how he could try anything at anytime. Those eyes, those expressions, they all seemed so real that Amon was doubting if he wasn’t actually a very good actor.

The clock said it was already past midnight and Amon stood up and, with the briefcase still on hand, he walked out the room and peeked at the living room. And there he was, calmly sleeping in the red futon in the middle of his living room. Amon had noticed that when he arrived he had some dark circles under his eyes and he wondered if that boy had to spend last night in the freezing cold streets.

He went back into his room, locked the door and laid down again on the bed, with his briefcase. He stared at the ceiling for some time.

What the hell was he thinking? Damn it. He had brought a **ghoul** into his home, it was pretty obvious he didn’t have the best intentions, why had he let him spend the night there? He was a failure of an Investigator. He had to turn him in to the CCG, right? He was trained for many, many years to think that way, he had already been stabbed in the back by a ghoul.

He let out a heavy sigh and changed position, laying on his side. He closed his eyes, trying his best to fall asleep, but with no results.

He was adopted by a ghoul, when he had nothing, when he was all alone, a ghoul opened his home to him. Even when he found out he was a ghoul, he didn’t try to hurt him. This boy, Kaneki Ken, he also needed someone like that, he needed help.

Maybe it was time to get even with life.

The hours passed, and Amon waited for his alarm to ring and then he dressed up to go running, just like every morning.

Amon left his apartment as quiet as possible, with the briefcase still in hand.

.

Amon came back home less sweaty than usual. He was too nervous for leaving a stranger home alone for too long. He didn’t even bother getting breakfast like he always did, he would grab something on the way to work.

When he opened the door, a well-known smell reached him, he looked to his right where Kaneki was cooking.

Wait a minute, does ghouls cook?

-What are you doing?- Amon’s voice brought Kaneki’s mind back to the ground, making him jump a little.

-Ah, Investigator- he looked at him and then bowed –O-omelette…- he answered, kind of afraid –Is it okay?

-Can you eat human food?- the older one took off his sweaty shirt and held it on his arm, letting his fit abdomen to the nude. Kaneki averted his eyes, instinctively.

-I’m doing it for you, do you like omelettes?- he asked, feeling his throat strangely dry.

Amon stared at him, taking his time into processing his words.

-For me?

-As my gratitude for letting me stay here… uhm… but, still… I cooked it with the food I found in your fridge… Sorry.

-No, that’s okay, I’m not a good cook myself, I usually eat outside- he said –But you… you can cook?

Kaneki smiled and stared at the eggs in the frying pan. Certainly, since his body changed into _that_ , he hadn’t cook even once. But he could still remember how to.

-If you follow the recipe, there’s no reason why it wouldn’t taste good.

.

Amon came out of the bathroom, wearing only his pants and using the towel to dry his hair. He went to the dining table and noticed Kaneki had already prepared his place in the table.

The younger felt a bit uncomfortable for the Investigator’s lack of shyness, but well, his house, his rules. He served the omelette on the plate and waited anxiously for him to eat it.

Amon took the fork and doubted for a second, playing with the food in front of him, he looked at Kaneki, but he faced to the ground.

-I swear I didn’t put any weird stuff in it, I followed the recipe step by step…- he said, almost reading his mind.

Amon seemed convinced enough and took a bite, not expecting too much from someone who couldn’t even taste the food. Maybe it was because of this that he was shocked when he found out it actually tasted really good. He exaggerated the gestures.

-Is it bad after all!? I’m so sorry! Let me try out one more time, please, Mr. Investigator!- Kaneki apologized ashamed.

-N-no! It’s delicious! Really! What the hell!? I wasn’t expecting it to be this good, actually!- he answered and made Kaneki relax. He then took another bite and Kaneki smiled relieved.

-If you liked it I can make another!- he offered.

-Can you? I actually eat a lot…

-Sure!- Kaneki walked into the kitchen, putting on the blue apron and turning on the stove with a big sincere smile on his face.

Amon stared at him from the table.

-You said your name was Kaneki, right?- he recalled.

-Right.

-You can call me Amon, leave out the “Investigator”, please.

Amon could have sworn he saw the boy blushing before looking back to the ingredients, a bit nervous, and only whispering a soft _“okay_ ”.

-Kaneki- he called again, this time, his question made the younger one paralyze –Would you like to stay some more time?

.

He arrived to the office later than usual, completely forgetting about the _Eyepatch_ case. Akira was already awaiting for him, with her arms folded in front of her chest and tapping her heals to the ground, making an annoying sound.

-Did something happen?- Amon asked when entering the room.

-Oh, now you care?- she said sarcastically.

-Sorry I’m late.

Akira growled at him and handed him over some papers, explaining everything on their way out of the building. The man found inside some really grotesque pictures.

-We know where our 150 million yen-worth kitten was last night- Amon passed through the pictures and noticed a dark alley. So he did sleep in the streets. –Looks like there was a small quarrel with him, the result: we have three dismembered corpses and a lot of cleaning to do. The marks of the used rinkaku agree with _Eyepatch_ ’s in a 90%.

-People?- Amon asked, looking at the pictures. He could only appreciate a few bones and organs, but very few members.

-No. The tests says they were all ghouls- they both stopped. Amon knew what that meant. Amon knew what meant to be a cannibal – _Eyepatch_ must be a kakuja. We can only pray for him not be a full one yet, or this problem will only increase. They may offer even more for him now.

.

Amon had had another hard day of work, pretending to be investigating every small detail in the crime’s scene and sighing when he had to go out to verify some, obviously fake, information about Kaneki’s whereabouts. When the day was over, his partners asked him to go have dinner with them, but he refused, something really strange in him. The Investigator just wanted to get back home and make sure everything was in order.

When he opened the door an exquisite smell reached him. Kaneki was in the kitchen again.

-Welcome back- they boy greeted, smiling.

Amon didn’t bothered answering and began to untie his stifling necktie.

-Kaneki, did you leave this house today?- he questioned, making sure all the information he got was fake.

-Huh? Not at all, Amon-san- he assured and kept on cooking the burgers.

Amon took off his coat and hanged it from a chair, he was still holding his quinque when he sat down in his place. Kaneki didn’t take too long to put the food in front of him. The boy took off his apron and sat down in the chair at the other side.

Amon stared at the meat and remembered that morning’s crime scene.

-Kaneki- he called and the boy tilted his head –Are you a cannibal ghoul?- straight to the point.

Kaneki kept silence for some seconds. He then sighed and averted his eyes somewhere else, with a sad smile on his face.

-Did you see it?- the white-haired boy asked.

-Are you a kakuja, Kaneki?

-Not yet- he answered –I had to kill them because they wanted to kill me. Then I thought “it might be a long time before you get to eat again, Kaneki” so I had some bites.

Amon felt his hunger fading away with every word the boy said.

-Ghoul’s meat tastes really bad, you know? But I refuse to kill a person…

The Investigator stared at him, thoughtful, remembering all the things the boy had said back at the CCG.

-How have you been able to survive until now, then, without _turning into a murderer_?- he asked.

-Corpses. I don’t kill people, all this time I’ve been feeding myself with corpses from people who committed suicide. Instead of a carnivore, I’m more like a scavenger.

-“All this time”? You mean ever since you were born?

-Ever since I became a ghoul.

That bullshit again.

Amon put down the fork and knife, his food still untouched.

-Again with that- the older murmured and stared at him right in the eyes –Tell me what happened.

-I will, if you promise you’ll believe me- the boy smiled but the older one didn’t answer. Kaneki let out a resigned sigh before starting to tell his story. From when he was living with his mother, how she died, how he ended up completely alone, and until the day he met Rize and woke up with a change in his body.

.

Amon was done eating. It ended up getting pretty late, but the food was still hot and good. After telling his story, Kaneki had gone to the living room and Amon could see him while he watched the city from the window.

Amon brought his dishes to the kitchen and washed them, he then sat next to Kaneki on the couch.

-If what you told me is true…- the Investigator began and Kaneki didn’t react –How are we supposed to judge you? As a human or as a ghoul?

-Amon-san- he called, still looking through the window, watching the dancing lights –If you’re going to judge me, don’t do it for what I am, but what I do.

Amon kept his words in mind.

.

That night, the Investigator didn’t sleep with his quinque on the bed, but on the ground, somewhere he could reach it if necessary. He was able to sleep for some hours.

In his living room, Kaneki was struggling with a pain so big he wasn’t even able to scream. A sharp-burning pain, like lava running through his veins, forcing him to tremble inside the sheets.

Little by little, he could feel himself changing.

He was becoming stronger.

.

A week passed, way faster than Amon expected. He would still sleep with the door locked and the quinque close and Kaneki would still sleep in the futon in the middle of his living room. Amon had an extra bedroom in the apartment, but it was currently being used as a storage room. Kaneki’s case didn’t seem to calm down any time soon, he was still in the list of the most wanted of Japan, so Amon thought it would be a great idea to let Kaneki have his own bedroom. It was his day off, so he could help.

-Are you really okay with this?- Kaneki asked for the third or fourth  time since Amon came up with the idea –I wouldn’t like to give you any trouble…

-It’s not trouble, I said it myself. Besides, seeing how tour case is going, it doesn’t seem like you’ll be able to leave soon- the older one said, while carrying out a box full of useless stuff he only kept because he didn’t usually have time to check it and throw it away.

Kaneki was really grateful, though it was still a bit hard for him to trust that man. But he had been there for a week already, if Amon had wanted to report him, he could have already done so.

While the boy was checking the contents of a box, he found a picture with a group of kids in front of a church.

-What’s this?- he asked, showing it to Amon.

-Ah, I thought I had lost it- Amon grabbed the old picture and smile while recalling the past –This is from the orphanage I was raised at- he explained, while putting it aside to keep it. He didn’t want to throw that one away. In the picture, the face of his foster father had been scratched so many times it was now unrecognizable. Yes, they were sad memories, but they were part of a past he had learned to live with. That picture was so important for him as the necklace that was always around his neck –The man in this picture is Donato Porpora, my foster father and the man running the orphanage, he was a priest.

Kaneki found Amon very relaxed about the whole thing that he dared to ask some more about it.

-Is he okay?

-Alive and kicking, unfortunately. COCHLEA haven’t break him as fast I would like- Kaneki didn’t get the meaning of those words, Amon could tell by the look on his face –Donato Porpora was the man running the orphanage, my foster father and he ate almost all of my friends. I still wonder why didn’t eat me, though.

-Sorry for asking…

-Don’t worry about it, it’s in the past. Unfortunately, it happened, but I learned how to deal with it. Even now I’m able to look at him at COCHLEA. This necklace- he pointed at the cross around his neck –it was a gift from him. I still use it as a remembrance.

That hit the boy’s curiosity.

-Remembrance of what?

Amon put down the box he was carrying and looked at Kaneki. He smiled.

-That many things happened, but I’m still here.

.

-I would buy it- Amon said, looking at Kaneki while he watched himself in the mirror in Amon’s bedroom. He was wearing the same pants and snickers he had when he arrived to Amon’s apartment. They had to get rid of the sweater and shirt that were blood-stained, of course. He was now wearing one of Amon’s, it was pretty big for his small size, but it could pass as a baggy style. He was also wearing sunglasses, a surgical mask and a real hair wig Amon had bought for him.

-Sometimes I wonder why people who try not to catch the attention dresses up like this, as if it wasn’t gaudy enough.

-It’s not about catching the attention or not, it’s about someone recognizing you. Your head is worth 150 million yen, do not forget that.

-I know, I know- he kept on looking at his reflection. He felt ridiculous dressing like that, but he had no choice if he wanted to leave the house. He knew he couldn’t live like that, wearing the same clothes everyday. Besides, he had to buy some food and Amon had insisted on going to buy a pillow and some blankets for his new bedroom.

.

Kaneki’s tastes in food were pretty weird for the Investigator, but luckily, the boy had been living in the 20th Disctrict his whole life, so he knew the shops where he would find things he like. Amon was kind of amazed, he wouldn’t expect that peculiar boy’s tastes were that… simple. No, they weren’t just “simple”, he was a nerd. Now that he recalled, for that last week Kaneki wouldn’t do any other thing instead of cooking and reading all the books in his shelf. Did he enjoy reading?

-Say, have you finished all the books at my house yet?

Kaneki chuckled.

-I had already read them before living at your place- he said.

-… R-really?- Actually, Amon haven’t finished a single one of them, some he haven’t even open yet. Most of them were gifts, he knew he wouldn’t read them, so he didn’t bothered buying them –Then, would you like to go the library next?

His question made the boy’s eyes shine.

-Really?

Amon laughed in the inside. Kaneki was a very simple and easy-to-understand boy.

.

The first thing he did when he arrived to the apartment was to take off that itchy wig and scratch his head. He then took off his sunglasses and surgery mask. Amon was carrying all the shopping bags. They both went into Kaneki’s room and began to take the things out of the bags.

-I’ll leave you alone so you can put everything where you want to and how you want to. Do you want any sna… uhm… coffee?- he corrected himself. Sometimes it was hard to remember that boy was a ghoul.

-Thanks- Kaneki smiled and stayed at the room to decorate.

Amon left the room, breathing heavily and his heart pounding. He would have never thought a single smile would do so much on him. What was exactly what he felt? He felt good for helping someone, yes, but that wasn’t just it, it wasn’t satisfaction. It was something different. Kaneki’s smile was different.

.

He came back into the room of the boy, who had just finished making the bed and would look everywhere around, admiring his new bedroom. Amon handed him over the coffee mug and they both sat in the bed, in silence.

-For how much longer do you think I should hide?- Kaneki suddenly asked and the Investigator thought about it for a little time.

-I’m afraid the money they offered for you is a fortune. It will probably take a long time. At the CCG, things doesn’t seem to be getting better, and after what you did to those three ghouls, they may even consider increase the reward.

-Are cannibals that dangerous? Isn’t it better for you if ghouls eat ghouls instead of people?

-It would, but cannibal ghouls transform into kakujas, which are way stronger and harder to catch than any other normal ghoul.

-Even so…- Kaneki took a sip of his coffee. It was delicious, Amon was surprisingly good at making coffee –I’m not going to eat people.

-You say that not all ghouls are evil, but then you say you’ll only eat ghouls, isn’t that kind of contradictory.

Kaneki glanced at Amon.

- _“Not all ghouls are evil and not all people are good”_ you were the one who said so, and you may be right. Wouldn’t it be better if all evil would just disappear? Doesn’t matter whether they are ghoul or human.

-That’s something strange for an Investigator to say, weren’t you supposed to be on the humans’ side?

-And you’re a ghoul, weren’t you supposed to be against humans?

They both stared at each other for some seconds before smiling.

-You’re interesting- Amon said, while Kaneki finished drinking his coffee and leave the mug on the nightstand.

-That’s my line.

There he was again. That smile. Those eyes. Only that was enough to make his heart rate pound like crazy. He could feel it, squeezing his chest, pumping his blood so fast inside his veins it clouded his mind.

Amon leaned close to Kaneki and the boy completely paralyzed when the he felt his lips pressing against his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG! THEY KISSED!? *speaking to her hands* Did you just make them kissed like that!? OMG (Note: My hands are Curlies, I'm just a vessel (?))
> 
> So, anyways, do you know how hard it is to write without using one of your thumbs!? I cut my finger some hour ago, and I'm so masochist I put salt on it so it will heal faster, I can't deal with a useless finger now...  
> And, btw, I'm very happy today (yeah, it's not the first time I cut my finger (it's always the same one, now that I think about it...)) I WAS ACCEPTED INTO THE UNIVERSITY I WANTED! Yaaay, will begin classes in August :D
> 
> See ya!!


	8. The Way to the Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! Here's Othello's 8th chapter! Hope you enjoy it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Btw, in this chapter I used the word "you're" as "your" don't kill me please, hope you understand why I decided to use at that times in the story XD it was on purpose)  
> MERRY (late) CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR, GUYS! (hope I can upload the 9th chapter before that day, but if not, well...)

Simply put, he was not gay.

Just like that. That was it.

Right, he had never been with a woman before, but neither with a man. Maybe it sounded pathetic at his age, but he was still a virgin, because he decided he wanted to remain that way until marriage.

Alright, virgin, old-schooled, pathetic, yes. But not gay.

…Yet, he had kissed Kaneki.

It was instinct what drove him to do it. It was an impulse that he had fought to keep in, to control it, everyday, every time he saw him. Every morning he woke up and found him sleeping in the living room. Every afternoon he arrived home from work and met him wearing an apron and with a sincere, beautiful smile.

Yesterday had been just enough and something pushed him to steal that kiss. Even he wasn’t sure what he had done until he met Kaneki’s weepy eyes and red face, that he stood up, apologized and ran back to his room.

And there he was now, just staring at the ceiling. He didn’t feel like working out today, there were just too many stuff running through his head. He didn’t feel like going to work, but he had no choice in that matter.

He stood up when his clock said 5:52 in the morning. He suited up and let the apartment with only his briefcase on hand. He didn’t mind arriving early, and he wouldn’t mind coming back late.

.

-Huh? Was the time zone change yesterday?- Akira asked when she walked into the office and found her superior. He stared at her watch doubtfully.

-No, I arrived early- he explained.

-How early?- she asked out of curiosity and took sit next to him.

-Like… 6:30?

-Oh my god, get a life, Amon- the girl joked and the brunet frowned.

-Hey, Akira- the older one called, leaving aside what he was doing and stared at her –Do you have a boyfriend?

-Hah? You turned me down once and now you’re interested in me?- she frowned, clearly mad.

-N-no, it’s not that, sorry. I just need an advice, you’re a girl, right?

She frowned even more if possible. Amon quickly corrected himself before his partner would stab him.

-Listen, I need a romantic advice- he went straight to the point.

-Oh, so I guess that I, for being a girl, should have watched all the romantic movies and read all the books, and be an expert in the matter?

They held their gaze. Truth be told, yeah, he actually did think that was what women do. The blonde sighed.

-Go ask Shinohara, he’s married, is he not?

-I-It’s not like I can just tell everyone about it- the elder stuttered, blushing a little and trying to focus back on his work. His partner smirked.

-Ohh, so tell me about her- she moved her work aside and stared at him right in the eye. Amon felt himself being analyzed and decided to look back at her.

-Well…- he couldn’t possibly tell her that “her” was a “him”, and he couldn’t describe him either, Akira being Akira would find out he was Eyepatch right away –Well, really smart, likes to read, and cooks amazing.

- _“Cooks”_ of course, a man like you would fall for that- the girl murmured to herself.

-What do you mean?

-You’re a man who eats a lot, it’s pretty obvious that you’d fall for a girl who knows how to cook- she explained and then clenched her teeth –Tch. How could I have forgotten that? It’s such a basic rule.

-…I’m afraid I don’t understand what you’re blabbing.

- _“The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”_ -she answered –It’s the basic rule on how to get a man.

Amon still didn’t get it, but the blonde seemed not interested in explaining him, she grabbed some papers and left after saying she was going to Takizawa’s office.

- _His stomach_ , huh?- he thought once he found himself alone. He stared at the ceiling, thinking. So if he wanted to win Kaneki’s heart, he had to cook for him? Wait. Kaneki was not a human, it’s obvious that that rule didn’t apply to ghouls! He couldn’t possibly give him a corpse or something like that!

.

-Well, this was another not productive day. We didn’t get a single clue about our million yen kitty- said the blonde while piling up some papers and putting them aside on the desk –Takizawa told me to ask you if you wanted to go get some drinks with them. Shinohara is going too.

-Ah, sure, that’d be great. Are you coming along?

She looked at her watch before answering.

-It’s early today, so I have no reasons to reject.

They left the office together and met Takizawa, Shinohara and Suzuya in the hallway, awaiting for them.

-Isn’t Houji coming?- asked Amon when he found Takizawa without his partner and mentor.

-Houji-san had a meeting with Marude-san- he explained, polite as always, smiling at the Investigator he admired. He then looked at Akira and growled –We ARE making some progress, not like other rude person I know.

-If I had such easy cases like yours, Takizawa, I would have solved them a month ago- she fought back and kept on walking with a triumph’s smile, while the other one stabbed her with the eyes.

-Hey, hey, c’mon guys, it’s not the time to be arguing, let’s all get along and go get some drinks, shall we?- Shinohara calmed the down and then whispered to Amon’s ear –Let’s not let them sit together or they could ruin the dinner.

Shinohara and Amon walked between both ex-classmates and rivals, who were insulting each other all the way to the bar. Suzuya would only laugh while watching from afar.

When they arrived to the bar, they were sit far away from the other.

-Shinohara-san! I want a beer!- Suzuya shouted, while looking at the menu.

-You’re still a minor, ask for a juice or soda- his mentor said and the kid’s upper half hit the table with a “tch”.

-Akira, don’t drink too much, please- Amon asked his partner and she glared at him.

-Amon, I’m a grown up woman, I can handle my alcohol perfectly.

.

-Shtupidh Takizhawa! You coudn’t ewen win two me at the Academy, how dow you think you are gownna win two me now?- Akira shouted, pointing at him, completely drunk.

-Itsh ovious you had preferenceces becaushe of your parentsh! Look at me, laook at me, I’m Akira Madou and my parentsh are famoush ineveshtigatorsh! Love me and give me A’sh!

-You’re a fuckin envious, Takizhawa!- Akira stood up and hit the table with her palms. Takizawa mimicked.

-You’re a fraud! And your hairsh ish bleached!

-Let’s settle thish outside, if you hav ballsh that is!

-A-Akira, sit down, you’re making a fuss- Amon asked, grabbing her by the wrist and trying to sit her back to the chair, but the girl slapped his hand away clumsily.

-You shaddup, shtupid Amon! You turned me down butt now your in luv with another one and ashk me for advice!? Go fak yourself!- the blonde growled and walked away out of the bar with Takizawa.

-Ah, excuse me, could you bring us the bill? We’ll be outside keeping an eye on them- Shinohara asked a waiter and he was grateful inside that they were leaving the establishment.

The left three investigators left after their comrades and found them fighting awkwardly on the ground.

 -I don’t know why I was so worried about them…- Shinohara murmured and leaned against the wall with his drink still on hand, just like Suzuya who couldn’t stop laughing from watching them fighting to strangle each other.

Amon sighed and leaned next to Shinohara. He sip on his beer glass.

-So, you’re in love, Amon?- Shinohara grinned at the brunet while he choked on his drink.

-W-well… I’m not sure, actually.

-Ahh- Shinohara yearned –The first love is so confusing. So tell me, how is she?

Amon was thankful he was sober enough to follow the game.

-Really smart, likes to read, and cooks amazing- he said the same thing he had told Akira.

-Ah, of course, you’re one of them. It was obvious you would fall for someone who was a good cook.

-Why is everyone…?

-So, have you confessed already? Are you two officially dating now?

-Not exactly. I’m still kind of confused, you know? I can’t really tell if it’s love or just caring.

-That’s normal. There are many faces of love in the world. Just look at Takizawa and Akira, those two are so lovey dovey- Amon glanced at them while Takizawa was pulling off her hair and she was trying to poke his eyes with a very lack of coordination.

-A-are those two really…?- he found it hard to believe, but Shinohara had way more experience in that matter.

-Love appears in many ways, Amon. Listen, I love Juuzou, I love him as if he was my own son, I would give my life for him. But it’s not the same kind of love I have for my wife. When you love someone in the romantic way, you want to be with that person no matter what, and suddenly you find yourself doing things you never thought you would do, just for her. It is also a physical attraction you cannot avoid, your instincts take over your mind and you do and think about stuff you never thought you would even think about. I know you grew up in a church, so it might be a little hard for you to imagine it, but when you’re in love, all you want to do is to take possession over that person.

Amon seemed to have some trouble understanding this, so Shinohara gave him a small hint.

-I’m talking about sex, Amon.

Now he really was about to choke himself to death.

-S-se…!?

-You just can’t help feeling a sexual attraction to the person you love. Well, there’s people who feel sexually attracted to anyone who fill their profile, but I’m pretty sure you’re just like me, and if that’s true, then you will find out that you’re fully in love when you find yourself thinking about possessing her body. Not even you could ignore it.

-I can’t picture myself doing such thing…- Amon confessed, watching as his partner bit Takizawa’s arm and he kicked however he could.

-Then that’s when you will know for sure if you love her. Your head may lie, but not your body- Shinohara affirmed. In that moment the waiter arrived with the bill in his hands and Shinohara gave him his credit card to pay for everyone, it was his turn no pay. They both handled their glasses to the waiter and when he had left, Shinohara pulled over his suit’s sleeve and walked to the pair who were still tangling in the mud –Alright kids, that’s enough- he said, trying to separate them. Amon helped. Juuzou pouted when he saw his entertainment being interrupted.

Amon held Akira by the arms, noticing she was almost unable to keep on her feet. She was still cursing Takizawa in a neither appropriate nor understandable language. Takizawa was likely the same.

-I’ll take Takizawa home, could you take Akira to hers?- Shinohara said and Amon stared at his partner, realizing he had no choice.

.

Akira was almost unconscious by the time they arrived to her apartment, the elder had to use the key he knew was under the entrance carpet, since the blonde couldn’t remember where she had left hers.

Her home was very clean, well it was understandable, coming from such a perfectionist woman. What really surprised him was the fat, ugly cat she owned. He was expecting something cuter, that cat was almost gloomy…

-Imma back, Maria Shtela- she greeted the cat, trying to lean down to pet her, but falling face first to the floor. Amon hurried to help her stand up and carried her in his arms like a princess, he pushed open her bedroom’s door and left her on the bed.

-Is your alarm on?- he asked.

-…sh…awt…

-Ha?

-Itsh haaawt!- she shouted, annoyed, beginning to take off her skirt and stockings.

Amon looked away, convinced to leave, hoping that his partner would arrive tomorrow at the office. Though, seeing the way she was, he wasn’t really expecting much. He turned back, but the girl held him from behind.

-A-Akira!?- he looked at her alcoholic blushed face. She was wearing only the upper half of the uniform now. Amon could see the striped underwear. He tried to lay her down on the bed again, but she continued to refuse, not giving up.

For some reason, watching her in underwear didn’t make Amon feel anything but uncomfortable. Akira was beautiful, true. She had a body any girl and man would wish for. But Amon respected her, she was his partner.

He thought about Shinohara’s words. He had never felt any sexual attraction towards anyone. Neither Akira nor Kaneki.

 The blonde gave up at least and lied back on the bed, and the Investigator left the apartment.

When he was already outside, he took a look at his watch, it was already past 2 am. He walked to his own apartment with the hands inside his suit’s pockets.

.

When he came inside the apartment, he found Kaneki sitting in the dinning room, with half his body leaned on the table, fully asleep. Amon watched closer and found his dinner in the usual place. Hamburger again. He smiled instinctively and sat on his chair. Kaneki woke up when the investigator had to move the chair to sit down.

-A-Amon-san?- he rubbed his eyes, confused –Ah, sorry, I fell asleep.

-No, I should be the one apologizing. I went out to drink with some coworkers. It’s too late already. You should go to sleep.

Kaneki looked at the wall’s clock and stood up quickly. He ran to Amon’s side and took the plate.

-I-it must be cold by now!- he said, turning on the stove and placing the food on the pan.

-It’s no big deal, really. I’m tired and I want to go to sleep already- the older said, laying his head on his hand’s palm to rest, while waiting for his food.

-B-but if it’s cold it’s not gonna taste good…

Amon stared at Kaneki from behind. He was so small, he seemed so fragile. Ah, he wanted to touch him. He wanted to go and hold him from behind, to bury his face into his hair, to caress his legs, back, to kiss his neck… Wait, what was he thinking? He wasn’t like that, he wouldn’t think stuff like that at all. Was that what Shinohara meant with a physical attraction? Amon wondered if Kaneki thought the same way about him.

-Probably not…- he whispered to himself.

-Hm?- the boy looked at him, he didn’t hear.

-Nothing, thinking out loud, sorry.

Kaneki didn’t give any importance to the matter and once the meat was already hot again, he put in on Amon’s plate. And he patiently waited like always, in the chair at the other side of the table, just watching him eat.

At first, Kaneki’s stare had been uncomfortable, but the Investigator had grown used to it already. Almost to the point that it now felt uncomfortable without him watching.

-What are you gonna do when you get hungry?- Amon asked suddenly, taking Kaneki off guard. The boy knew exactly what he meant.

-I’m still fine. I won’t get hungry until a couple months more, back then I ate a lo…- Kaneki shut, realizing it wasn’t a good conversation for the table.

-Is that so?- was the only thing Amon answered, while keeping on eating. He had some curiosity to know, but he didn’t really want to know.

An awkward silence took over the room and for a moment the only thing they could listen were the cutlery. They both spoke at the same time, trying to break the tense atmosphere.

-About yesterday…- they both stopped when they heard the other one.

-Umm… excuse me, you were saying?- Kaneki said, letting him speak. Amon held his breath for a couple seconds before leaving the cutlery aside and begin to talk.

-I apologize for doing what I did out of the blue. I don’t know what happened- he apologized and saw a lightly trace of disappointment in Kaneki’s face –However- he kept on going –I do not regret it. I apologize for doing it like that and without any explanation, but I don’t regret kissing you. At all.

Kaneki smiled, nervous.

-Yeah, I was so not expecting you to do that- he answered, looking away to the floor.

-Kaneki- the older one called, but the boy didn’t stop looking at the floor –Would you like to try it?

-“Try it”?- he asked.

-To date me. I mean, I don’t really have much free time or anything of the sort, but I would like to try it. If it’s with you.

-I never thought you were like _that_.

-Oh, no, I’m not, I’m not like _that_. It’s just that… how to put it... you’re special, I find you special.

Kaneki’s smile vanished. His brows frowned, he seemed in pain.

-Amon-san- he called, avoiding looking at him in the eye –Give me some time to answer. I’m not sure what to think or to do. I’m really confused right now. But I promise you that I will give it a thought…

Amon felt rejected right away, disappointed, he looked at Kaneki while he stood up and began to walk to his room, just like that.

-Kaneki, listen- he stopped –I don’t want you to think that I’m forcing you. You can stay here for as long as you need it, and the least thing I want you to think is that I’m forcing you to accept. You’re not. If you reject me properly, nothing will happen, nothing will change. Just reject me and I promise I won’t ask again, I promise you that our current relationship won’t change.

The white-haired boy bit his lower lip.

-I know. Let me think about it, please, Amon-san- he answered and walked into his room.

Once inside, Kaneki closed the door and slide down to the floor. He held his legs and buried his face between his knees. His whole body began to tremble.

Yamori’s memory and all the thing he did to him hunted his mind.

When Amon kissed him the day before, Kaneki linked him immediately to Yamori. He had been close to releasing his kagune and attack him.

He was afraid. Afraid of hurting Amon. He was afraid that if he stayed any longer, he would end up killing Amon.

In the end, that was his nature.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry about Takizawa and Akira, I just had to do it (?)  
> SEE YAAAA'LL


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